I'll admit I've stopped by several times and not found the right words to say. Much of what I would say would fall close in line with the advice that you have been given by sinjin and cathy47.
I do have a question for you though and I appologize if it's already been addressed. Does om's w have any idea about your r with her h?
and one other word of caution..never believe what anyone tells you about their spouse especially if there is a possible alterior motive behind it. This is in regard to your comment about om's w's unlikely hood to ever be interested in anything other than shopping. Unless you know her on a personal level you have no right to make such a comment. I could easily claim that my h wants to be nothing more than a financial provider and give you plenty of examples to back my statement but I would be giving you a false impression.
One other comment as well...a few posts earlier you remarked at not wanting to have some weird open marriage with your h...sorry to have to point out but you clearly have been having an open marriage it's just up to now been one sided.
