Whew! Girl you can write! The writing HAS to be cathartic though, judging by how much you do and how much thought goes into it.
Interesting about your post, as the overwhelming majority has to do with the OM, and your hoping he chases you after this gambit. To me this means you really haven't made up your mind about much of anything in the way of cutting him off. I looked over your string of posts and surmised:
Optimist-Pessimist - I really have yet to see much optimism from you Passionate-Reserved Passionate - yep! Active-Passive Active - but doing the same thing over and over.... Concrete-Abstract - seems like you deal quite a bit in theory and supposition to me. Decisive-Not Decisive? Have you made one that you have stuck with? Spendy-Thrifty Not Addressable Sensitive-Critical Seem sensitive to your needs, not very sensitive about your H's. Tactful-Blunt Your exchange with your H about his OM seemed a bit less than tactful Idealist-Cynic Idealistic yes, but that is frustrating you too. Carefree-Worrier Carefree? A - you have been doing alot of worrying here.
I just point out how people see other people is all. You might see yourself one way, but does your husband really see you in that light too?
I also pointed out a few posts back that your OM was using your emotions against you to keep you on the side where he wants you. " and is now acting like the master negotiator he IS... He knows the thing to do when someone is backing away (as I am )is to do the unexpected and back away yourself, rather than try to hang on. Hence, his little "no more phone then" gambit." Are we now in agreement that he is doing this?
A - this post makes it clear to me that you really still want the other man, and failing that you are too scared to do either stay or go from the man you are with.
I would just say this: make a decision! You will feel better after that. You will have some control and say over your life, instead of wallowing in the limbo that you have been in. It won't be easy from the get go, but the sooner you make one, the sooner you can be happy. Happiness will take awhile though, whether you decide to stay or go. Staying in your current situation only brings you unhappiness, there is no upside. Making a decision and sticking with it presents the upside of you moving forward with your life, and at least pursuing happiness.
I would say right now you aren't really pursuing happiness, just contemplating it. Contemplation is a good thing, except when you do it for too long!
A - I am not intentionally being hard on you. I only read what you write and respond.
My personal experience. When the bomb was dropped on me, I knew not how to deal with it at all. I did tell her that my end goal, no matter what she saw was her and I together again. I tried to stick to that, but I had limits too. If I had read DR & DB, or knew of this site then, things might have been different. When it got where I couldn't take the pain anymore, and nothing seemed to be changing, I made a decision to divorce. I still feel that she was supposed to be the love of my life, but I couldn't wait any longer in limbo. It took awhile, but now I know everything happens for a reason. I took what I learned from that experience, plus the experience of dating other women and kept learning. I am now a happy person, and I am sure there is someone for me out there. If not, I am a happy person anyway!
A - let go of the thought of the OM. If you can't find it in yourself to be with your H, then let go there too. It may be a relief for both of you. In any case, concentrate on yourself and make yourself happy. Find a way not to need someone else to be happy. Once you can do that, good things happen!
"Make decisions from the strong part of you, not the weak." -- Dr. Laura Schlessinger
"My basic principle is that you don't make decisions because they are easy; you don't make them because they are cheap; you don't make them because they're popular; you make them because *they're right*." -- Theodore M. Hesburgh, President, Notre Dame
The writing HAS to be cathartic though, judging by how much you do and how much thought goes into it.
