This morning my H and I were talking and he mentioned that I seemed to be having a very rough time wrapping up with OM. I said yes, it is rough, but I knew it would be. He siad "Well, take your time, maybe you are rushing it a little too much." I said "Well, maybe... my sister is really pressuring me to end it without a bit more stalling, because she's worried about me, and I do feel rushed." He said "take your time."
This was not so unusual. But he did seem more RELAXED about me and OM lately. Last night, he made a similarly relaxed comments about his desire to let me work this out myself, on my own time frame. That is a CHANGE OF TUNE. He has always maintained he was "sick of being in limbo."
My H returned to cyber-sex last month, after a year of "waiting" for me to return to the M with no success. I did not like this, but it was only fair he should be able to do this, since though we live together, we are sorta separated, and I was not talking of giving up OM.
After my little conversations with H last night and this AM, my women's intuition told me he was suddenly too relaxed about me and OM. I questioned him about the cyber sex, which I have done on and off, and he is always very honest. He chats with the women and when he started he formed a little friendship with one of them, but it faded.
Now he has a new little friendship. I will have to omit details here, "to protect my identity" in case I ever decide to run for Supreme Court Justice, but... this woman is from a foreign country. She is my age (40) and my H has given her her ONLY fufilling sexual experience of her life. She is coming to the US on business, and to see her kids who live here. She wants to see my H aand I asked my H if he was going to see her. He said "Yeah."
I said "You MEAN, you will see her only IF I am not cut off with OM right?!?!? Surely, you do not mean you will see her if you and I are reconciling, right?"
He said "Well... come on... these delineations of yours about what we are doing are not as clear to me as they are to you... I am not all that confident about you and me, and either are you."
I said "Hold on. You make delineations too! You told me I had to give up OM before we could reconcile, which makes sense! Delineations make sense!"
He said "Yes, I did say you must give up OM before we could reconcile, but I have been thinking, maybe that was not the best approach."
I said "WHAT? You only think that now, because you want to see this foreign woman. Look, we do not want to wind up with some jacked-up "open marriage" here! We have both said that before, we agreed on that... that we did not want a lifestyle change in that direction. I am IN THE PROCESS of cutting off with OM. I plan to FINISH this process when school lets out, in another week and a half. At that time, I thought we were going to head straight back to monogamy and try to make this work. That is what you wanted, but now that you have met someone you are acting like this is just one big unclear mess, so that you can justify seeing her. What do you want?"
He said "Oh, you do not really want to break off with OM. You love OM. You have done this whole "separation" year your way, on YOUR time table, and now I am supposed to adjust my timetable based on a break up with OM?"
I said "Fine. When is she coming? Give me a date." I wanted to know this because I wanted to make SURE I was wrapped up with OM before then, and then try to reel him back in somehow before she gets here. Which will be hard, because as you all know, I am barely motivated to save my own M, even before this. Now with this turn of events, I am even more discouraged.
NO, H would not make this woman up, or exaggerate the situation to manipulate me. Never. He is absolutely not that type.
I asked him three times to tell me when she was arriving, but he sidesteps the question. He was all excited about our "post OM road trip" idea when I brought it up last week. But last night when I mentioned it he said "I think we should wait on that, till you are working again, that way we will have more money to spend." So, my guess is maybe she will be here soon, and that he did not want to be gone.
Since I was not real motivated to save this M anyway, and was hoping to feel better about it in time, maybe this is a sign that my M has run it's course. I don't know. I still love him and don't want to give up, but I do not feel like "fighting" for it any more than H felt like fighting for me.
