Is the key to your situation in the opening part of your last note?
And if we solve a bunch of chronic little problems, and learn how to accept our personality differences, you're right... I would be happy.
So it almost sounds like it is as easy as: Can you accept each other's personality differences?
I know that his lack of outward action is a problem for you, what is his problem with you? He must have at least one issue with you. If he does, can you see his point? Can he see yours with the lack of action?
What was it that "won" you to him the first time? Can you remember? Does he still do that, or would you even want him to? Things change and people evolve, what was it that made him want you back then? Do you still have that, or does he even want it?
I understand about your worry of staying too long with no return on your investment. I don't know that I would put a timeline on it though. I would go with my gut as far as staying or going. I don't know that you can put a timeline on a realtionship, because it is often 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.
Why is it that you hang onto your OM so? It is seems obvious to both of us that he isn't going to leave his W, and is he REALLY all that? He may be good looking and passionate (there are a few of us out there), but doesn't really sound like someone you could depend on. Could it be that your H is waiting for you to figure this out on your own and make a decision? That is a pretty darn hard thing for a man to do, if that is true.
If you are going to "steal" a man, at least get the total package. Sorry to say that your OM doesn't really stack up to that from what you tell me. (here comes a rant) A real man wouldn't be afraid of your kids 13 years ago. A real man would've respected your decision to get married 13 years ago, and turned you down when you wanted to be his woman on the side. If he didn't do that, he would have at least been up front with you and told you that this was all about sex, and as soon as you made it something else, you would be done. Instead he is using your emotion against you to string you along until you want to be his side woman again. Why would you want to be anyones's 2nd choice? You don't sound like a woman who would settle for that. (end of rant)
I agree that you are not currently DBing, it just sounds like you are doing a bit of it in spite of yourself. When you decide to get serious, you will be a hard force to turn down!
My story....I was wondering when someone would ask that. Let's just say that I have led an eventful life. I think I am lucky that I was "woken up" by my last experience, and want to keep learning so that it doesn't happen again. It really kind of fascinates the hell out of me how two people interact in a relationship.
Do I still think about her? Yes, often. I guess I do write about it, a piece at a time as I relate to other people on this board.
You do have to do it when you are ready. The only risk you run is that when you are ready, maybe your H won't be, or worse he will be leaving.
