Yes, I am curently "admiring the OM" as you say. That's an understatement. I kind of worship OM. And since this IS a forum for infidelity issues, I assume I'm not alone.
Since you ask, I worked hard for thirteen years to promote "the mutual admiration society" concept in my marriage. It was a concept my husband agreed with in theory, but found difficult in practice, as he tends to be on the critical and analytical side (he's a psychotherapist).
My husband and I have REMAINED BEST FRIENDS even though our marriage is currently in it's first major crisis due to my affair. We are still living together and still enjoy eachother's company and support one another. My affair was precipitated by his cyber activities, and by other marital contentions, and it is something that we see as OUR problem, not just "my bad."
I never keep secrets from my H about anything whatsoever, so I conducted my affair openly, from the get go. Ever since it began one year ago, we have been working on a resolution to the crisis, as a TEAM. As of right now, we are leaning slightly toward reconciliation, which is what brings me here.
My story is a lot longer than this, of course, and you mention that I have not written about it even though I've been here for only less than half a day! I'll post my full story when I'm darn good and ready, thanks, or maybe not at all. Is posting one's whole story before making comments some kind of mandatory rule I don't know about?
No, I am not EXPECTING my H to "win me back"... I just said that manifesting "win back" behaviors would have been more EFFECTIVE with me than simply being patient. I'm entitled to say how I feel anout my own marital situation, I would hope! I was not at all "vague" about what "winning back" meant to me... I was very specific about it (verbalized conviction about the viability of our marriage, for instance).
I agree that marriage takes two to break down and two to repair! Nothing in my posts even remotely suggests otherwise. It is awfully presumptuous of you to imply that I don't realize my own fault in the matter, or that H and I are not already working in "conjunction," when you don't even know me, or him, or anything about my situation.
Trust me, in the midst of this very difficult and gut wrenching crisis, we are working more in "conjunction" than most couples could even begin to imagine on a GOOD day!
I TOTALLY agree with you that philosophizing about what a good marriage is only gets you so far, but THAT IS WHERE I AM AT. I am not yet to the stage of APPLYING my insights to my marriage, as you suggest I should, for the very sensible reason that I am not yet decided to attempt to reconcile! I think it would be kinda nuts to begin that delicate process while I am still in contact with OM, don't you? Unless H and I wanted an open marriage, which we do not.
You need to respect that that not everyone here has reached a firm decision to "work on their marriage."
