What really changed my situation around was taking all pressure off! And focusing on having fun with my h, being fun to be around. When h brought up things about the r I was vague, not too concerned. I believe the lack of pressure helped my h to really get to the bottom of what he was feeling as far as the r was concerned.
And that is your quandry....your h does not know but you do. You go with what you know, don't pressure him or have long deep discussions about what you think he may be thinking (you lose most guys after the first really deep sentences...they are more bent on action than discussion). Why not try more action oriented discussions? Like to get the 2 of you moving forward together what kinds of things would you like xh to do? Get him to focus on actions like that instead of discussion...seems too much thinking is getting him down. Have him do the FUN things your NEW r is all about...see if you can get him to focus on building a fun new r.
Your xh is sad cause he wants to be with you but is really scared to go down that road again. He doesn't want to hurt all over again. Though you maintain it won't happen again he doesn't believe you. Show him by your actions that you have changed.
Maybe he had the condoms cause he did believe you were with someone else and was pleasantly surprised when you didn't ask to use them with him??? In other words, he didn't have them to use with another girl, was only thinking of safe sex with you.
I had the same thing happen to me when I first moved in with my h last weekend...found condoms in his sock drawer! I understand your hurt.
Maybe the sexual rules should change now that you are d. No sex until marriage? Just a thought....
