More Journaling~ XH just called. Asked me how my birthday was. (it was yesterday, turned 40) I told him that Sat a GF and I went to get our hair cut. That it looks really cute! then both of us and oldest S and his fiance went out to dinner. The dinner ended up being comped as my GF's BIL works for the company. Since that didn't cost any of us anything, we went to a local bar for a drink. Even the kids said nothing much going on there, so we were home by 11:00p
Yesterday I went to the gym, did laundry then oldest S and fiance took me to dinner.
I asked about his fathers day as our youngest S was visiting him. He was not real talkative, just short one word answers.
I told XH that when I was in the airport in Seattle I bought a book and a book mark that had a picture of Mt. Rainier on it. That when I see it I think of him. He said he didn't know that that was a good thing. I asked why. LONG pause and he said that he didn't think that I thought good thoughts of him. My first reaction and what I said, was I don't think bad thoughts of you. Then I said, ya know, sometimes I do. But I am working to stop that. That I REALLY don't want to let the past dictate the present situation. He made a comment that it is hard to change the way a person is. I said I agree, but it depends on the motivation to do so. Mine is that I want to leave the past there. I really want to start with a clean slate and that means starting with my mind and thoughts. He said hummmmm
I thanked him again for the nice time. He said that he felt like we took steps backward.
He didn't elaborate too much. I told him that for me there were some not so good things. The phone call was just WRONG. But again for me there were some positives. That we had some good conversations and I learned some things.
Not much more.
I just find the comment about us taking steps backward interesting. Doesn't that imply that we were working on moving toward each other? I am really curious as to what he thinks about. He sounded very down.
One other thing I remember from our talk last week was that I told him that I still had pain to get over and that I stil have things about me that I am working on. And that no matter where it goes with us, those two things need to happen. That even with someone else those things would need to happen. I would prefer that they happen with someone that I have known for 30 years and already knows me and can really help me. and that I can do the same for him. He said he had never thought about it that way.
