Hello all~ Just filling in some more details and raising some questions......
At one point during our conversation on Fri, XH said that he always felt like I always thought that the grass was greener on the other side. I asked him if it was and he said NO! Not even close. I told him that I would take his word on it.
During another conversation I was asking him how long it took him to get home from work. He said about 1/2 hour. I said that that was good, allows time to decompress. He said, yeah, but it really doesn't matter because it is just him at home anyway. Then he said, well you never know what will happen in the future. Maybe there will be someone there, someday.
After he picked me up at the airport, I was kissing his neck as we drove, and I could tell he liked it. I pointed to his crotch and asked what that was, in a joking, sexy voice. He said his stupid, brainless wonder. Sounded a little guilty???
He told me many times that I was the most amazingly sexy person.
At one point in a conversation he told me that there were things that he has done that he has not told me, as he knows they would hurt me. He feels like he doesn't want to tell me because its like little kids who trade a hot wheel for a hot wheel. If he tells me, he would be giving a hot wheel but not getting one back.
One night we were driving around looking for a place to eat and we saw a building of a major company that I used to work for. He said hey, you could get a job there!
When we were talking on the phone before I went up there, he said that he wouldn't be on the phone with me if there weren't any feelings for me. That there is something there.
So as I sit here this morning still pondering the events of the last week. I think WHAT THE HE!!.....
Why would he care if I was distant if he didn't care? Why would he care if I started dating if he didn't care? Why would he still find me extremely attractive if he didn't care? Why does this seem so close, yet so far? Why can't he let go of the past? He KNOWS that he hasn't done things well, yet doesn't want to take the steps to change it?
I am so frustrated. DAMN the past. It is ruining the present and future.
Where the heck are we in this process? Is he getting closer? Is the fog starting to clear?
What do you think is going through his mind?
And the big question is what do I do now??? I was in a dark mode and he was coming closer to me. He was calling and paging. But he obviously noticed. Are we moving into a different stage? If I continue to be dark will he think that I am continuing to be on personals? Do I tell him that I have shut down my profile and deleted all info?
Do I begin to reach out to him?
Thank you in advance for any and all comments! This BB is such a lifesaver!
