Another Piscean checking in here! I also read Cainercast though don't really believe in the horoscope stuff either.
Quote: Now I think, when the girl is ready, those teachers are everywhere! And that when you ask for guidance, sometimes it shows up in very unlikely places!
Hey Wonder! Don't those horoscopes just drive you nuts??!
You got excellent advice from Seattle. You are in that settlement stage where you don't know if H is doing something to gain financially or because it is an emotional response. I've been there and it sucks.
All I can say is, DBing got me more out of my settlement than I expected 'cause H saw me as a "good guy".... You know...."you catch more flies with honey...."
I know what you mean about noticing guys. I have been too . I think that sign is back up on my back...
I have alot of friends that are married mommies too. I have found that I have become their "escape" from the family... They call and say, "do you want to go for a drink?"!! LOL!
Enjoy the rest of the weekend!!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Quote: Sheesh. I'm open to the idea that H could make a big change in his behavior toward me. And if I know what's acceptable and what's not, what's making me so uneasy?
Maybe it might be easier to accept that H is changing in a bunch of little ways ... as in each positive action he takes when interacting with you ... oh! wait a minute ... that sounds awfully familar ... why, we're back to "baby steps". Can't stray to far away from the basics, as I'm finding out.
All kidding aside ... is it really a big change for him or just a matter of timing. It seems he may have realized he's a little overdue in giving back some positive feedback to you. Maybe that will help ease the "uneasiness"?
IOW, maybe your uneasiness is linked to trying to read into "why" the change and having to address expectations around his reasons? If there is improvement in his interactions with you ... GREAT! ... accept them at face value and don't read anything more into them ... they simply may not have any deeper meaning ... and it is only another form of crazymaking to try to figure out if they're meant to lead to something more. End the crazymaking and the uneasiness will go away.
... and a belated welcome back from your trip last week. Sounds like you were able to recreate all the senses. ... and managed to find means of recreation for those senses without having to be on vacation.
... speaking of trips (shameless plug here) ... any chance of visiting the Hudson shorelines on the 17th of July? If so, check out Just for Fun forum.
Quote: Don't those horoscopes just drive you nuts??!
Ha! I am learning to take my guidance and lessons wherever they might show up, in the star charts or the farmer's market. A good friend has been slowly (and patiently, I might add) teaching me this, and she's right.
But even if I end up never seeing H again, I know that because I opened myself up to growth and opportunity from this situation and was determined to do the hard work that requires, I am in a better place today. Time and circumstance alone would never have done that. So I feel I can't dismiss the good insight that shows up as a result!
Quote: All I can say is, DBing got me more out of my settlement than I expected 'cause H saw me as a "good guy".... You know...."you catch more flies with honey...."
I think if H doesn't see me as "a good guy" at this point or have trust in me (he says he does), he'd have to be living on another planet, LOL. Which is entirely possible.
I've been good to him and given him no reasons not to trust in me... and DB definitely gave me the tools to do that.
I think DB counteracts in some ways those messages they are getting from other people -- that they need "to be careful", that their S is out to get them or whatever. Honestly, I can't imagine my H actually believing any of that stuff about me, but I'm sure there are people trying to put it into his head.
I want to begin by saying that I've started a post to you a zillion times over the past week and have been unable to complete it for a variety of reasons. Last night, I had just begun and the phone rang...
It sounds as though you are really where the rest of us on the joint thread are... while it's comforting to know that others are traveling this path, I'm wondering why? Is it because we've been on it together for a long time? Is it because some of the issues that are being discussed are forcing us to rethink things? Is it some natural stage in moving through all this crap?
I wish I knew. And I sure as heck don't have any answers. Just more questions.
I don't think that anyone here would negate that DB gave us some terrific skills to work with. But I really think that there comes a point in a process where the skills no longer matter--it's the core issues? I mean, the skills are terrific. They can help put a sitch into a light where examining all aspects and sides of the problems are possible.
But is there a guarantee that we can truly accept what we see? (We know the answer--it's just a rhetorical question.)
In my own case, I think the amount of time that has passed from the beginning until now is taking its toll on me. I'm really beginning to see things with more clarity. And while I haven't ruled anything out or in, I'm no longer pretending that they are not valid concerns or observations.
Getting back to you... Wonder, I sense a similar internal struggle here. While I don't expect your next post to come out and identify what you do and don't want and/or need, I think your true inner self has some idea on how you feel about all this.
I, too, am looking around at men as potential prospects. I'm really approaching a state where I'm ready to start dating. Whether or not that man is Mr. Wonderful is out with the jury. (Just being interested in my new car is not enough for me, you know! )
God forbid the day I start actually contemplating having sex again? While the thought sort of terrifies me, it's also exciting as hell. If it's in the water, well so be it. We've all been working so hard for something worthwhile that we've put some very important issues on a back burner.
Somehow, those less critical issues are starting to stand up and force us to take notice. At least here in my world.
I like the Cainercast. I'm an Aries, while Mr. W. is Aquarius and both my girls are fellow Pisceans (with you). I've found that his horoscopes are often dead on. Does that mean our fate is sealed by someone else's thoughts? Absolutely not. I just see an issue that is challenging me with more clarity when I see what Cainer has to write for the day.
Here's to wishing you happier contemplations.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thank you all-- Azure, H2H, Sun, Betsey, KAW-- for the great audience participation in my little magic show!
Wonder, International Girl of Mystery, is getting back to basics, KAW. You're right about that.
Quote: is it really a big change for him or just a matter of timing. It seems he may have realized he's a little overdue in giving back some positive feedback to you.
It is timing, KAW. Thanks for pointing it out. I would have been fine with all this a few months ago. After delivery of "The Papers", maybe the fact that there isn't a change is what is hard to deal with? Feels like being an object-- an accessory-- instead of a person.
Quote: maybe your uneasiness is linked to trying to read into "why" the change and having to address expectations around his reasons? If there is improvement in his interactions with you ... GREAT! ... accept them at face value and don't read anything more into them ... they simply may not have any deeper meaning.
Now, this is the male perspective, no? Because everything has deeper meaning if you're a woman. (kidding here, sort of!) The crazymaking business about why is valid on some levels... yup, I am asking why. And maybe that does not help. Except that I really do want to know why... because I don't trust this change. Previously, it was welcome because I could sense where it was headed. OK, mystery girl likes to drive the car and she is working on this.
Now it just feels fake and hollow, like an attempt to ply my favor to get something. And that could well be the furthest thing from the truth, but who knows? I think this is the loss of credibility... and yet I want so much to believe in something.
Either way, I'm pretty solid on the fact that this is about me and how I feel.
Quote: I think the amount of time that has passed from the beginning until now is taking its toll on me. And while I haven't ruled anything out or in, I'm no longer pretending that they are not valid concerns or observations.
This is how I feel, Betsey. Guess my internal struggle is peeking out through the clothes now. Huh. Looks like I succeeded in not being so hidden.
Quote: God forbid the day I start actually contemplating having sex again? While the thought sort of terrifies me, it's also exciting as hell. If it's in the water, well so be it. We've all been working so hard for something worthwhile that we've put some very important issues on a back burner.
You said it! I've tried not to put this issue on the back burner (lest I go mad) and H and I have been intermittently intimate. But in the interim, I've been finding safe and creative outlets for that energy... I figure this will pay off in the end. For me anyway.
Hi Wonder~ Yes, now that you point it out, I can sense your internal struggle. (((((WONDER))))) All I can do is promise that it WILL get better.........
Like I said before, the part where we negotiated the settlement was very hard on me. I think that was when it finally "sunk in" for me....
As far as sex.........all I can say is....Until "Mr Right Now" comes along.......THANK goodness for batteries!!!!!!!! LOL!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Quote: As far as sex.........all I can say is....Until "Mr Right Now" comes along.......THANK goodness for batteries!!!!!!!! LOL!
Ha! Couldn't have said it better myself, Sun and Azure!!!!
The settlement thing is not bothering me much-- we're not "negotiating" anything, more like he's doing the necessary paperwork to remove this accessory (me) from his life. (we've agreed to what we were going to do all along, though I do kind of wonder now whether what he will stick to that or if he will suddenly go back on his word. I'll see soon enough.).
I was the one who brought up the settlement, actually, because there'd been no word and it might impact timing of things I might wish to do.
We've been having a bit of an open email discussion, though he seems to be doing his best to shut himself down from me while still maintaining some level of conversation. Kind of sad.
I guess I am DBing in terms of handling the conversation much more maturely and confidently-- and less much reactively-- than I might have before. But I am a more mature and confident and less reactive person now. Being my changes and all that. I am also being firm and open about what my boundaries are.
This comment he made-- in particular-- was interesting to me (in response to what I said in my earlier post):
I guess I can understand why you might not trust me entirely. There isn’t a lot I can do about that. That choice is up to you...
He can't actually believe that, can he? That he has no role in whether he acts trustworthy? Really? Anyone who follows this thread knows I have extended my trust to him again and again... he knows it too.
