I think we can all relate to the uneasy feeling of what the heck is going on in the mind of a WAS? Unfortunately it is impossible to know.
Let me throw out somthing I've been thinking but haven't quite acted on yet. It seems to me from the discussion on the Friend's thread today (especially Pam's comments) as well as other concepts we are familiar with that the WAS is acting in their best interests and not thinking of anything or anyone else.
Going with that assumption, we've all felt like we're being handled as you've put it. In order to keep from taking the one step back after the two steps forward, what is it that will help prevent that?
I've been thinking some standards to live by, some conviction to adhere to. What does that mean? That will be different for all of us, but we can't allow ourselves to be twisting in the wind. Its very uncomfortable.
What do I mean? I'm thinking this through as I type but I think I mean to identify what is acceptable to you in order for you to consider reestablishing somthing with H. That will mean different actions for different things.
Lets take friendship, what will he have to do in order for you to consider being his friend? If that is unacceptable to you, what will he have to do in order for him to be ____, whatever it is you want?
I hope I'm making sense. After defining these, it is up to us to be accountable to what we said would be acceptable, anything short gets the go pound sand response (not literally of course but you know what I mean).
In your case, it seems being cordial is ok, but being a friend is not as long as OW is in his life. What then do those actions look like? Then it is up to you to stick to them. Don't "give" him anymore than that because it is then enabling the child.
Of course I could be all wet with this. I'm not a parent or a nanny but there might be some common themes?
