My feeling of bubble baths and yoga and dancing is now combined with strange feelings of uneasiness based on H's response to my email.
He was all jovial and chatty about my trip, etc. Picked up on the inside joke I dropped in my email. Mentions that he's working on getting that truck the "he!! out of there".
Deftly ignores the R stuff completely.
Also says the settlement draft has been held up 2 months because he is gathering his financial paperwork... as if he's suddenly become an oil magnate with offshore accounts.
Then says maybe we can go with a Paperwork Lite option since there's not much money to "squabble over". Huh? So, he's taking this long to find such few papers? And last I knew, we'd already verbally agreed to terms of a settlement, so what's the issue again?
Is it dragging his feet for reasons he isn't exploring or sharing with me? Or hiding something?
OK. So this is: 1. A demeanor I have only seen before our S and prior to previous reconcilation attempts.
2. A sudden eagerness to meet agreements regarding insurance and truck.
3. Combined with that weird out of blue computer inquiry a few weeks ago.
4. Dragging out settlement discussion.
5. The pattern of not responding to something that hits an emotional nerve.
All of it makes me uneasy. Yet I don't get the sense that R is what he's up to. Am I being "handled"?
What I have figured out is that I don't trust him to be a friend to me as long as OW is part of his life because he has shown time and again that he will chase OW's approval rather than treat me with compassion, honesty, loyalty or respect. And it seems the 2 are always at odds.
So immediately I wonder why he is acting differently... and as much as I hate to admit it, I feel uneasy and suspicious even with the positive actions. (And I suspect I would not feel that at all if he were living on his own.)
Meanwhile, my yoga class last night was spent upside down-- most unexpected and a good on-the-spot lesson for me in pushing through resistance and fear.
Plus, a good opportunity to be spotted by the attractive single man in my class, LOL.
OK, has anyone noticed that I seem to be noticing men these days? I have been giving more and more thought to "opening myself to someone new"... not ready to use the D-word yet.
And there is someone I have been intrigued by... though I may need to practice more handstands to break through more resistance and fear first (no, don't mean the yoga guy either).
It's tough when all your close friends are married. But last night I heard unexpectedly from a MF with whom I used to work. We haven't talked in about a year, so that was a fun conversation to catch up with each other's lives...
