Just venting today... I am so confused, I do not know what to do anymore. You know this roller-coaster ride is causing much havic in my world and is also raising a few eyebrows around the house. One day I have no doubts about the love my Xh has for me and I do not doubt that we will be together forever very soon, then there are days like today that I fell as though all my efforts are worthless. Today I fell like everything I have done and everything I have put up with is just backfiring on me. Things between Xh and I are going back and forth, he is very attentive then is very distant. The more I back off the closer he gets, but on the same token the closer he gets scares him and he turns around and runs in the other direction. I believe he is trying to make a point to stand his ground with this getting to know himself thing. In my heart I know he knows how wonderful things with me and us are and could be and it scares him. It's almost like he is trying to push me away, almost like he is trying to push the buttons that once upon a time would bring out the demond in me. I think that he thinks if he stays away, I will end up allowing that ugly no good demond to comeback and it will convince him that he was right to have his distance, by not allowing himself to get attached will make sure I do not hurt him when the worse happens. Maybe he still has doubts about the me I am today. Does this make any sence? I know, I know Halo quit ASSuming. But I think there is something to this. Over the last few weeks he has not said ILY, he tells me that I know how much he loves me, I am his sweetheart, I am the love of his life and he would tell anyone that, He tells me how I mean the world to him, I am his everything. Does this sound like something a man trying to figure out who he is would say? Things are just so confusing...
On another note I really do not like the Month of June... June is known as the month for weddings, I see TV shows that focus on weddings, Bridal extraviganzas, it's in the news, Even my favorite radio personalities are talking about weddings and it is really making me sick. Every show I see or story I hear about weddings makes the reality of my marriage failing even more real. So okay I know I have been D'vcd for 2 years but it still hurts.
I should not complain because Xh did come over last night for the evening, we talked a lot he held me all night. He came over to get my approval of our new truck. He said he wanted to get a truck big enough for "OUR" family., Okay so anyone see why I am as confused as I am???
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
