I have been reading but keeping a silent vigil here since you first reported your BIL missing. I want to offer my sincere condolences.
I don't know if you knew this (I've posted about this before but this doesn't mean you've read it), but I have a younger brother who is manic depressive and a drug addict now to boot. He attempted suicide on Christmas Eve about 20 years ago, and I was the one who found his body.
He lived. But I'm not sure that the 20 years since that day have been worthwhile. That isn't for me to decide or judge. But I've always prayed for my brother to find peace.
What a wonderful person you are to offer your friendship in whatever form your H needs from you right now. For what it's worth, I cannot fathom why he doesn't see the potential of you two working out... you have had a whole lot of loss this past year, and the two of you seem to really come together during those times. That takes strength and character, and I hope his own journey brings him to that exact realization.
In the meantime, I can tell you that your friendship is exactly what he needs. I couldn't discuss my own experience with my family, because they were dealing with their own feelings on what had happened. Looking back, I understand it. But at the time, my family felt that not discussing this issue was the best thing for all of us.
Two years ago, I took the girls home for a visit to my parents house. Something jogged my memory and I began to break down. My mom was horribly concerned and encouraged me to speak up. She and my dad were SHOCKED at the pain that finding my brother brought me--then and now.
I think it would have been so much easier for me had I been encouraged to share my feelings with others who loved my brother. I also believe that I wouldn't have been carrying around the scars and the burden if someone had decided to overcome their fears, just to let me get it out (and I'm not talking a C either... but someone who knew my brother).
If I represent anyone else who might feel that way, I think being his friend is a tremendous gift you can give your H. I know it will be hard--watching someone really grieve is painful--but you might be surprised at the trust you can build by just letting him do it his own way.
Just my two cents worth. My prayers are with you all, and you're an amazing and caring lady.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
