S’s room was a pretty blue and is now a tan. I’m going to try to pull off an outdoor theme. Bought a moose and bear stamp, also have a bear paw stencil and a pinecone stencil. Will try to do a border of pinecones or the animals. H has some deer horns that I was going to use as curtain rods or window borders..grand ideas don’t know what I’ll be able to pull off though.
Yesterday as I was getting ready to take S to daycare I found a copied map on the counter with writing on it, it was OW’s handwriting and it was a map of fishing spots for H to use on Saturday in his tournament. Well you can imagine what started going through my mind, “was she with him last weekend” and marked off spots for H? And why is she writing on maps and giving them to H. Well I debated and called H and asked him about it.
I asked him who’s map it was, was she helping him fish and I recognized her handwriting. H seemed confused at first and then said a guy she works with marked off the map and he didn’t know who’s handwriting it was that maybe he told OW what to write. H said she doesn’t know anything about fishing, the guys she works with do. I said I’m sorry to bring it up but it was laying on the counter and I saw it. You shouldn’t let that kind of stuff lay around for me to see becuasse I'm going to say something. I then asked if OW had stuff of mine laying around her house? I mean come on.
H then said I told you I’m still going back and forth and I’ll keep going back and forth until one of you gets sick of it. I said well I’m not going to be sick of it because WE ARE married. H then said he’s exhausted, no wonder I’m so tired, I’m sick of this. I said you’ve been saying that since last September. H said I know, but I’m sick of this and I’m going to do something!
He then went on to say that he lived with her for nine months, how he has feelings for her he doesn’t want to be mean to her, she’s nice to him, is always doing stuff for him. H said she knows what I need before I even do! She lives way out in the country by herself, I'm sure she's got a good sob story going that she tells my H to make him feel sorry for her. H also said that he doesn’t want to be mean to me either..which was kind of interesting. I told H I understand he was having a hard time, validated him. I asked H how long this OW thing was going to go and what if it’s three years? Well it won’t I’m sick of it. I said what if it was me with another man and H said I would have dumped you right away. I said is that what you were hoping I would have done? H said not necessarily.
I then said you are her life H, she has nothing else. Does she have a child? No, but I do and if I didn’t then I’d be able to devote all my time to you (thinking to myself, well not ALL of it, but more). He then said he has to “ask me” to do things. I’m thinking what is so wrong about having to ask. When I am asked I help out, always have always will. Sometimes I anticipate and think ahead.
H then said the night of the storm he felt so F***** bad that he was at OW’s, thought to himself what the F*** am I doing here and that you and S were here without me and would I be smart enough to take S to the basement and on and on. I said I remember S was scared wished you were here.
H then said OW wants to take him on some grand trip for his 50th birthday, it’s in December, so if he’s not around that’s who he’s with. I said how do you know I don’t have plans for you and H said “well you don’t” I said it’s six months away! I said if she’s thinking that far ahead then she obviously knows something I don’t. I asked H if OW had bought the tickets yet and H said no he wouldn’t LET her buy them.
He then said OW wanted to buy a boat, wanted to the buy the boat for H? I said why did she sell the one she had? H said he didn’t know, she flipped out and now thinks she wants a boat. I said she wants a boat to be with you. I mean what is wrong with this woman anyways, she’s trying to spend all her life insurance money from her deceased H on my H. H said she really didn’t get as much as he thought she had and that she’s already spent a good chunk of it on house remodeling. H told if she was buying a boat that it didn’t mean he was going to move back there or to think that he was going to move back. H also told her to keep that money in cased she needed it for something down the road, to not spend her money on him. I remember H used to joke to me years ago that it would be nice to have a woman buy HIM things...be careful what you wish for isn't that the saying??
H told me that he’s told her to move on, to find somebody else, but she won’t she keeps pursuing him(my words). I said what do you tell her about us? He paused and didn’t really answer, OW more than likely thinks he’s here for S, that he’s not happy with me. H asked me if I thought he was here for S? I said no I don’t think YOU are! H said yes I am. I said I really don’t think you are. If I’m reading into this question correctly, H and I haven’t been doing anything together recently, in fact for a long time, so maybe I need to plan a few dates for us. Or maybe it was just H trying to convince himself that he only is here for our S.
At that point H had to hang up as he was busy at work. I started to spiral, get upset but got on the treadmill, told myself come on Cathy, remember yesterday when you were watching the Banger Sisters you started crying during that too. Brought back old memories…no I wasn’t a groupie, just fun things I used to do. Told myself my emotions are really close to the top lately and this is just another one of those things that makes me emotional. I quickly recovered and didn’t “go there” and started to think of all the positives from our conversation, from the last few weeks and am thinking H is stuck and can’t get rid of OW so he’s not doing anything.
Also the fact that the call was from home, I wasn’t at work, was able to do something to stop the “crazies” from coming helped tremendously.
As I was driving to meet my friend P, something from the our conversation bugged me. When H told me OW was planning a trip, going to buy a boat I told H “I can’t compete with that” well why should I have to compete with that and I’m not going to compete. I wanted to call H to retract the statement, but for some reason didn’t.
As I was getting closer to P’s house, H called me to tell me he could pick S up tonight. He could take S with him on his errands and then go out to eat. Then asked me if I was going to be back and did I want to eat. I told H I would be back in time to eat, that I was just golfing and then stopping to visit H’s parents for a bit who I haven’t seen in awhile. I did tell H I wanted to retract the statement about competing. That I wasn’t going to compete, that I shouldn’t have to compete and he either liked me or he didn’t, that it wasn’t a competition. H said that’s what I told OW too, this isn’t a competition.
We went to dinner at Red Lobster, what a treat, with S’s. H finished getting ready for his trip, put S to bed, and H and I went to bed. H and I ml and H reached out to me to say goodnight and give me a kiss..this is also something that H hasn’t done in quite a while..reached out to me first.
