I think I'll post an update, just so it's on the record here for future reference.
Monday was the golf outing had a great day! H took son to t-ball, it was our turn to bring treats. H took the treats, made dinner for son and I got home late evening. Chatted a bit with H and then we all went to bed.
Tuesday H called me for something, don't remember what oh to see if I had made reservations for Friday night, which I did Got home, H had ants in his pants!! Couldn't sit still, mowed the lawn, reminded him that we were going to pick up dresser that I had asked him earlier in the day for his assistance with, actually the day before, too. H said "oh yeah I forgot about that" went with me to pick up a new dresser. Helped him move the old dresser out and the new dresser in. At one point we were laying the old mirror against a wall in the dining room. H thought we should put something against it and I didn't agree and H exploded. Accussed me of not caring about the walls, the house or anything. I just kind of stood there and didn't say a lot either. Deep down maybe I don't care about it as much as H does. H keeps very good care of his STUFF, but doesn't really do a lot inside the house. He likes to point things out to me that need to be done, but that's about it. After his little explosion things calmed down and I got strong and determined. We finished moving the furniture and H was more "calm" and caring after that. We then went out for a burger, came home and went to bed.
No contact from H at all yesterday. H was a no show last night. Driving into work this morning I see his truck parked at the bar, the only vehicle there...same ole same ole. H works on the other side of town from the bar, OW lives on other side of town from the bar...a good half hour to 45 minute drive so I'm sure she taxied H back to her house.
No call, nothing from H today so far. I did sleep very well last night no anxiety or fear. I mean really what can I do about H at this point...absolutelyfreakingnothing! I've wasted too much of my energy and time on the worry and the fear.
Quote: They say, 'You always hurt the one you love.' It may be true but it doesn't follow, from this, that you can protect your nearest and dearest by hating them. The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but that doesn't mean the road to heaven is paved with bad ones. Too often in life, if something works out badly, we don't just make a minor modification to the plan, instead, we make dramatic, emphatic, U-turns. I think you know why I am saying all this. Just to be clear though, this week, you are only inches away from a big breakthrough so don't go travelling miles!
Glad to hear that your golf outing went well. Lucky it was this week with the weather we've been having. How did your celeb do with taking photos all day? I've done that one before too - some celebs are okay and some live up to the "celeb" profile huh?
I'm sorry your H is in such a rut, but glad you can work around it to enjoy life with your S4. Your H must be exhausted from trying to juggle a split life, his drinking, his anger, etc. I am confident though that his lightbulb will come on and he will realize the love he has at home.
Hang in there - PATIENCE works - I know it!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
On my way home from work yesterday I call H to see if he could pick up S I wanted to go and hit some golf balls.
H was on the lake in his boat, hadn’t worked all day. He had an eye appointment the night before and he couldn’t see out of one of his eyes, it was blurry. So he didn’t go into work.
Since he was out on the boat and it was such a nice day I asked him of S and I could join him. So we did, it was great!! We went to a restaurant on the lake for dinner, H was very subdued and quiet. We really had a great time. At one point I asked him when our other boat was going to be done as H had mentioned it should be soon. H said it’s in the works or something like that.
We boated around for awhile, we get home there are two message on answering machine one from a friend of mine the other from a call asking about the boat for sale and that he doesn’t live too far from where the boat is for sale!! YES!! H wasn’t home yet, even though we had left the boat launch before him. When I heard the message I tried my hardest to not ASSume it was at OW’s! H arrives comes in the house is on his cell talking to someone about the boat for sale.
I asked him where’s the boat? H tells me at OW’s. This moron puts our boat on OW’s lawn to sell it because “she was nice enough to let him.” I asked him when he took there, H said last night. I said so after your eye appointment you take the boat to OW’s and then go to the bar. Did she ride with you there I ask? H said no. I said did you invite her to the bar? H said no, she just showed up there. I asked why and H said I don’t know why don’t you call her.
I brought up last week when H ended up there two days and it was like he didn’t remember or didn’t want to remember any of our conversation. His truck was fixed in less than three hours and he kept telling me he didn’t know when it was going to be done. I asked him how he got to our house, SS brought him to our house and then I asked if OW picked him up here and he said no. I’m not going to rehash last week, but the guy is insane or losing his mind.
Our whole conversation was a lie that made me nuts and I WASTED my energy, yes I’m finally seeing the light.
H was backing his boat into the garage last night, I asked him if he needed help and he said “no OW will help” like the smarta** that he is, and then I said I’m sure she would have bought the boat for you and he said I know she would have. That’s why I bought it myself, it would just be a reason for her to get me back there. So OW is trying to get H to move back there. I then said she’d do anything to break up a marriage.
We’re going away tonight for one night. Last night H said to me in the bathroom that I should be sure and be here by 4. I said I will and then I said what if you have to work late. H said well that could happen, but “I’d rather you be waiting on me then me be waiting on you” selfishly. I said “me, me, me” and he said well that’s just the way it is..the man’s insane. I’m sorry to keep saying that, he’s in major ME mode. I then said that I was leaving early and he completely changed his mood to “why are you leaving early, Are you golfing” I just said I’ll be here H.
Yes we’re going away for the weekend. How can H live this double life and think everything’s okay. That he can put his boat for sale at OW’s and she’s not going to perceive it as something different, that’s she’s being nice to get H back there.
My H is a selfish, selfish person and using OW, IMHO. She doesn’t see it that way I’m sure, H knows she’s trying to get him to move back there and takes advantage of OW “kindness.” Oh my H has a hand in this, too. Loves it that she takes care of him, drives him home from the bar.
My Patience is wearing thin these days. I have detached to a new level, I’m seeing a lot more lately, that H is a teenage right now. I can see what’s going to happen down the road, the bomb that’s going to go off. OW is going to keep pushing H to move back with her. She’s getting crumbs right now, even though H says he doesn’t want to be with “me” the he wants to get away from me his actions are saying different. OW is sitting by herself while he’s away with his family, his wife. I can see what’s going to happen if H keeps us his craziness. It really does seem like things are getting worse with H or maybe it’s just that’s he’s answering my questions about OW and I’m finally seeing the craziness whereas I usually don’t ask about any of his other “activities."
I'm getting to the point where I really don't care that much about H, either he comes out of his fog or he doesn't. If I'm here when he does, well that remains to be seen
We seem to have reached a similar space concerning H. Are they clones? The alien mothership certainly has them now.
All of my H's talk/temporary actions during the early part of the week were lies. Or maybe not. Maybe it is just more of the crazy mindset they exist in.
Like you I'm tired. I'm tired of the lies, tired of being on guard to what is true and what isn't. Isn't it a good feeling to be so detached?
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
They guys name is "Canier"