Good Morning,

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At times it seems like you do - like saying I am sorry you feel that way - when he said he couldn't live with you any more.

The question I would put to him should he say that again is "I really think it is you that you can't live with any more. I love unconditionally and I want to see you happy and healthy. I will be here to help you do that when you are ready."

Would that work? Just a thought.

I think turning things back to him, letting him take responsibility for his actions might help him wake up and smell the coffee. YOu are in no way to blame for his behavior.



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You can't control his reactions, but you don't deserve the backlash! Validate his feeling, but I think you need to let it be known you are not the bad guy here! There's no need to point out who it is. Deep down we all know who it is, including the culprit! Just don't allow the blame to be shifted onto your shoulders. "Gee, I feel terrible that you ended up feeling this way. I wish it didn't turn out the way that it did, but I had no control over that!"
He has to stop using you as his scapegoat or he will never see you in a different light.



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On that note, since you can't mindread when your H want you to reach out for him, maybe each time he stresses out, can you get into the habit of asking him, "Do you want my help?"

That in itself is a form of reaching out and may work for your H.

Glad to hear H threat to move out was yet another empty one ...



Pulled these hear as I feel these posts are going to be very important moving forward. I really DO need to find a new way to act when H pulls his junk!

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Cathy, your H is the King of the pity party ... keep that in mind the next time he starts spewing and its time for you to come up with a way to tell yourself and him that you don't wish to be invited to them anymore.


H is the King of the Pity Party...this is a new perspective for me..here I thought I was the Queen of the Pity Party..and since these parties are something you have alone H can't come to mine nor I to his....hmmm this is an ahhh haaaa moment. When we're both having our own separate party, maybe like KAW says, pointing this out to H and then suggesting something fun would be a 180 and a way to put some humor into the moement.

I was thinking last night that I cannot give up yet on H as I haven't tried everything, I really haven't. I still can't stand up to him, turn the tables on HIM when he pulls his junk. Theres is more work to be done.

I need to reach, I need to push myself to be the person I know that I can be and THEN, maybe when I feel I have tried everything, when I have become the person that I know I can be, maybe then will be the time to give the ultimatimum, but till then I'm on this path.

I initiated ml with H last night, it's been two weeks made it about him, that I wanted him and he hugged me in a way that he hasn't in a long time.

Gotta get ready for work. Big day today a golf outing, I'm not golfing photolady for the day and running the outing!!!

Cathy