Hi Cathy ... just caught up on your week ...

Quote:

I was having a pity party and making H's actions about me once again.

I had to LOL when I read this ... for I see your H doing the same thing ... he was having a pity party too and he making his action about you too!!!

It seem to start with the night of the storm. No doubt he was became riddled with guilt for not being home with you and son during that scary and dangerous storm, let alone ending up at OW. In order to deal with the guilt he made it all about you. Oi! (((Cathy)))

You can't control his reactions, but you don't deserve the backlash! Validate his feeling, but I think you need to let it be known you are not the bad guy here! There's no need to point out who it is. Deep down we all know who it is, including the culprit! Just don't allow the blame to be shifted onto your shoulders. "Gee, I feel terrible that you ended up feeling this way. I wish it didn't turn out the way that it did, but I had no control over that!"
He has to stop using you as his scapegoat or he will never see you in a different light.

On that note, since you can't mindread when your H want you to reach out for him, maybe each time he stresses out, can you get into the habit of asking him, "Do you want my help?"

That in itself is a form of reaching out and may work for your H.

Glad to hear H threat to move out was yet another empty one ... Cathy, your H is the King of the pity party ... keep that in mind the next time he starts spewing and its time for you to come up with a way to tell yourself and him that you don't wish to be invited to them anymore.

and maybe you can turn it around by telling him how much you would like to invite him to a good time instead.

I don't know the answers Cathy ... really ... just thowing some ideas out there that might help get you unstuck ... that feeling I do know quite a bit about ...

'til later,
KAW