Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers.

When I got home for work last night H was here and had his boat with him. H had also picked S up from daycare, must have taken boat to work him straight from OW's. I really don't know, didn't ask.

H hadn't shaved in the two days that he's been gone, he looked awful. H is an A** and has been the last few days.

H was nice enough, but I just feel like H is going backwards for some reason, back into the tunnel maybe. Whatever.

H was in the bathroom, I was in bed, S was in our bed goofing around. At one point he said "mom watch this and he was just going fall backwards, I tried to stop him, but kids will be kids and he fell backwards and hit the head boat with his head. S immediately started crying, well of course, and H comes in and says what happened, did he hit his head on the headboard, I said yep. I mean what can you do he's 4 and things like this happen. S recovered very quickly and stopped crying.

H comes into the bed room and says "why did momma let you fal and get hurt! (the A** like it was my fault of course) but S came through for me. S said "no she didn't" then H said something else and S replied, I kept my mouth shut. S defended me and took the blame.

Then H was trying to set the alarm on his clock radio and at one point said "who's been messing with this" well duhhh H is the only one that "messes" with it. I just replied "nobody has been" He thinks little elves run around reeking havoc in his life. I'm sure it was my fault that his truck broke down, too.

I have a bit of an "attitude" right now, but just who does H think he is anyway. Really do wish H was out of my life right now, believe me I have been wondering if this is worth it H's attitude and anger are just too much some days.

Feeling like I could care less about H at this point, wish he wasn't here, he could care less about me. Thinking wouldn't it be nice to have an H who cared, somewho can give me the love that I deserve. This back and forth stuff IS hard, my life is constantly being disrupted by his little "poor me" attitude, his lack of moral strength, the OW thing, just everything.

The weather is great today, I'm off to a craft fair and maybe to hit some golf balls. S and I went to the driving range last night and S4 isn't too bad! H isout in his boat.

Cathy

Mary I like your post to me, for now I am just going to be still and be quiet.

Thanks BnB for stopping by, I think you are a very strong person for telling H it might not be time for him to move back and yes we will be twins, he will be going back and forth. Some days I wish H would go away for a month, to the mountains or wherever and figure things out for himsef.