No I knew he wouldn't be home. I slept well though, six hours.
Had S4 call H this morning when he got up. S4 was in such a good mood this morning!! I heard S4 ask his dad to pick him up from daycare today, talked about S4's cousin who got caught up in the bad weather the other night, heard his name mentioned on the local news. S4 asked if H wanted to talk to me, which he did, so spoke with H this morning first about nephew who had been hurt, just minor stuff. Then H said "S4 wants me to pick him up tonight" I said oh he did..I heard S4 ask, but was playing stupid. I said you can if you want too.
H has his truck back, it was the fuel pump that needed to be fixed. When I spoke with him last night he made it sound like they didn't know what was wrong and that it wasn't even being looked at...so H was just spewing yesterday, a temper tantrum of some sort.
This happened in February, H just blew up because I wouldn't make S4's dinner RIGHT NOW and left the house for a few days. S20 was there at the time and didn't understand what the blow up was about either.
What happened to me was that I got caught up in H's storm and didn't just sit on the curb like I'm supposed to...geez I just don't get it some days do I? I was having a pity party and making H's actions about me once again. Need something, a reminder, a sign to get me off the roller coaster.
I also mentioned to H that I had to work late on Monday and that I therefore couldn't take S4 to t-ball and it's our turn to bring the snack. H said well I'm only working till 3:30 now so I can take him.
Need to remember to keep my eyes off the circumstances.
You sound better. I'm glad. We need to be ok regardless of what they're doing.
Quote: Need to remember to keep my eyes off the circumstances.
It's so hard when you're taken over by emotions. I did the same thing last night. I tried to walk away and go to my room and re-group and you know what?....my mind went blank. I couldn't think of any of the stuff we've learned.
Anyway, hopefully this stuff will become second nature to us soon.
Quote: my mind went blank. I couldn't think of any of the stuff we've learned.
This happens to me ALL the time, at work, when I'm put on the spot, with H! I'm the after the fact kind of person...it's not till after everything is over that the perfect words come to mind.
My H is nuts, he's all these different people all of a sudden.
H called me at work, based on our conversation this morning of me having to work on Monday and H being able to take son to Tball. H interpreted that to be that "what do you think I'm abandoning our son?" (in my mind..well you have been gone for a few days and haven't once asked about son) I said no. It was really more me thinking out loud as I was under the assumption that you were working longer hours and that was all it was meant to mean. And the fact that it DID just dawn on me this morning
Then he made mention of "my bitchy attitude" which he hasn't said in ages. It was my attitude pre-bomb but I've worked very hard and dearly to change and I have CHANGED that "bitchy" attitude it came with the new happy ME. Not living the second half of my life the way I did the first half...angry, resentful and "bitchy" I forgot the over-reactive part of me too, seems to be gone..comes with overreacting too many times and then having things work out in the end and usually for the better. I can look ahead first and the decide if it's worth my energy. Hmmm I wonder if that's why I don't like to drink as much, I do have a beer a couple of times a week, the looking ahead, thinking about the next day and do I want to spend it feeling like crapp or do I want to enjoy it.
Then he has me if I was going to my brother's cabin next week and I said no and then me thinking, assuming he has plans with OW I say "why, what are you doing?" H said he's pre-fishing for a tournament he's fishing in the following weekened.
H also told me had to work tomorrow and would more than likely be prefishing...drum roll please...on SUNDAY! The very same SUNDAY that he was planning to move.
He shared with me his plans for this weekend, okay they're tentative for Sunday, but he is working tomorrow. And he let me know his plans for next weekend and the following weekend, said to me "well I signed up for it so I guess I gotta fish in it" or something along those lines.
So who was the "man" I spoke to yesterday? Number 1, 2 or 3?
I asked him if he was going to pick up S this afternoon and he said "probably" and I said then I'll see you later.
Cathy
P.S. Haven't asked H where his boat IS right now either. Either H has it hooked up to his truck at work or at OW's. I'll just have to wait to find out.
I just read you last several posts! I'm glad you are centered again. Maybe we need a "time out chair ' for us as well, as Hs. We know about those morning after calls. It's only their way of tempertature taking.
Yes, this trip is frustrating and irritating and and and ... So, vent at us! Get you center, and carry on!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
I don't know what to tell you Cathy. But this is my opinion ok...take it with a grain of salt.
I think enough is enough. I say pack his bags now and not wait until Sunday. He wants to be with OW, let him. This is no life for you. His cake eating has got to stop. He will continue this behavior until one of you (either you or OW) says that's it. I just can't see him changing his behavior as long as it is allowed to continue. The ball is in your court now to make some changes. Do what you feel you need to do because it boils down to what matters the most to you. Having an H at home (when he feels like it) even though he still spends time with OW or get your life back and your self respect along with it.
Shiney, who is no longer posting, suggested this many time and even thought that H was cleary wanting someone to make a decision for him.
At this point I am not ready to decide or to give H the last resort. I WANT H to make the decision and why shouldn't he have to? He made the decision to have the A, to move out, to move back home and now for me to decide that enough is enough? Well I'd give H the easy way out wouldn't I?
H is waiting for one of us to crack, to "give in" says he doesn't care who he's with, it doesn't matter at all, H just wants it to end.
I'll think about it and beleive me I have many times, but don't know why I don't want to go there. Maybe it's becuase if I do "boot" H it will be over in my mind.
If it's all the same for him, either you or OW, perhaps you should point out that he is married to you and has a child with you, so you and your R have a greater claim to him. Though I don't know if I would want a H back that was SO wishy washy about wanting to be in the marriage. For goodness sake.
He probably does need a jolly good kick in the pants or a bucket of water over his head - to wake up!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Cathy, You talked about H being all of these people... wasn't there something in HB posts, maybe the stages of MLC that talked about them being several different people? Maybe you should dust that off and reread it.
Your H is in such turmoil, I don't see you adding to it by an ultimatum, IMHO. Course, I am a chicken. But, you did say, you have nurtured the gift of forethought, so think it out. If you don't think the time is right, it is not.
Maybe these outbursts, which are coming less frequently, are his horrible, nasty way of sharing his frustration with you. Maybe he is not able to put words to his thoughts.
Maybe you should journal what he is doing, the timing, etc. Or maybe you should just keep your mind on Cathy.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
My emotions are right there with you. Holdingon has some good insight here. I've reread your post many times. I've thought about what you have said. I would hate for you to live this for years. I have. I don't want to make his decision for him. Ultimately, I may. For now, the best thing maybe to keep letting him know he has a family that loves him, cares about him and wants him home. I'm not saying hang in there forever, but maybe you need to give a little more time. Concentrate on you! Now may not be the time to put out an ultimatum. You are both emotionally charged right now. let it wait a bit.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
and left the house for a few days. S20 was there at the time and didn't understand what the blow up was about either. 
Not living the second half of my life the way I did the first half...angry, resentful and "bitchy" I forgot the over-reactive part of me too, seems to be gone..comes with overreacting too many times and then having things work out in the end and usually for the better. I can look ahead first and the decide if it's worth my energy. Hmmm I wonder if that's why I don't like to drink as much, I do have a beer a couple of times a week, the looking ahead, thinking about the next day and do I want to spend it feeling like crapp or do I want to enjoy it.