You're a wonderful, caring, loving person. This is not about whether you're a good person or not. This is about the awful, messed up life HE'S living.
I don't have much advice my friend. I do, however, know what it feels like to think we're insane, to wonder why, why, WHY, WHY? .
I also know the anger. All I can say is, feel it and let it go. You told me just yesterday that H is in a mess of his own making. Sure it affects us, but we didn't create it. Why should we suffer for it? WE are ok, OUR world is ok...it's them! Please let it go.
I think Water's right. What if you just stop taking his phone calls? You know he's ok; he can take caer of himself. You take care of you and s4.
I was thinking about what I had said to you yesterday, also! Thank you for the reminder. It is his own mess and it's becuase he is living at home that it affects me much more than it would if he weren't living there.
During my lunch break I was feeling that my H can't be my H right now and if he can't then why do I feel like I CAN still be his wife? How can I be a wife to someone who doesn't want a wife right now? I can't be, so who AM I? I am a mother to my S4 and SS20 and a woman.
I'm married, at least I thought I was, but now I don't know anymore. We have the document, we're married in the eyes of the church, but in the eyes of my H we are not.
In the eyes of the Lord how can I be married when my H doesn't think he's married or has to be committed to the marriage in the same way that I am.
So H just called mad as a hornet and guess who he's mad at....and "he's moving out" when I ask when "aaahhh Sunday" and then why didn't I call him, I knew he didn't have a truck!! You could care less that I didn't have a vehicle, did you try to call me...spewing at me!!
I asked him why he didn't call me, if he needed a ride why didn't he call me? I would have helped him out and then of course he goes back to "why didn't you call me!"
H's moving in with OW, I don't care about him, the only reason he was there was for S. Then says I don't belong anywhere. I said you belong with us.
I told him I would come and get him, let me know where he was and he said no. He wouldn't tell me where he was, they had just started to look at his truck and he didn't work all day either. I did tell him I was going to pick up S from daycare and come over to OW's and get him. H said "why" I said becuase I'm going to, but H wouldn't tell me if he was there or not. I said where are you calling from? H said I have a cellphone, but he was calling from a regular phone not a cellphone, there was an echo and when he hung up I could tell it was a regular phone.
I then told him I did care about him and to not think that I don't and he just said I don't want to hear it. Then asks me if I'm at work and who can hear me and is all of a sudden worried about who can hear me at work? I said I don't care who hears it I want to know where you are and he still wouldn't tell me. Says we can talk later and hangs up on me.
I called him back on his cellphone and he wouldn't answer either.
Thank you. I feel amazingly calm inside. This is more of the same from H.
Holdingon was able to chat me through this little crisis and maybe it won't be as bad as it sounded. It's really more of the same from H anyway. That he can decide at the spur of the moment that he's moving out and on Sunday. I have no idea where that date came from and who's going to help him move?
I will keep praying, pray myself through this as it's the only way.
I'm glad you spoke with holding. I was just going to tell you the same thing...that it sounds like more of the same from H. Why did he pick Sunday? He has three days before that to move out if he really wanted to. He cant' handle himself and is looking for something....anything to be direct his anger towards.
I'm glad to read that you're calm. Nothing you can do so why fret about it.
I don't know what's going on here but when I got home from work it was very obvious that H had been here even made himself a sandwhich and watched TV! The seat was up on the toilet, S4 for some odd reason, doesn't need to pee when he wakes up so I know he didn't live up the seat.
S4 and I mowed the lawn and now we're off to have pizza!
Dirty plate in the sink, his stuff is here but no H. The drama continues.
I am thinking of you and your S4 and SS20. Saying a prayer for you too.
Your H is at a crossroads again. Don't rise to him, just tow the line of "you belong with us". As long as you are consistent in what you say and how you act, you can't fault anything you do.
Hang in there.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
On the wy to the pizza place thought I'd call H on his cell. No answer left a vm asking him about his truck, asked how he was doing and said we were going out for pizza.
S4 is being very difficult tonight people, crying about everything and stubbornnnnn, OH MY on the way home from pizza S falls asleep and has been in bed every since...early for him, he was beat.
So h calls me back and asked what I wanted, repeated what I said. I asked who towed his truck and he said company S20 works for and that it cost $99. I said insurance will cover it and H says so what. Then said something about S coming to help him out since he wasn't working today..I didn't get details so not quite sure if S20 brough H here or not.
H also said that OW called to see if she could help and what couldn't I have called. I said I didn't know that you needed help and why didn't H call me, it works both ways. Well H didn't wanything to do with that response. I then said of course OW helped you out, you styaed there last night. I mean come on, if he wouldn't have stayed there he might not of had the truck problems and/or the playout of the days plot might have been different.
H then wanted to know why I hadn't come to OW's, I had threatened to earlier. I said I don't it wouldn't have solved anything and I would have looked like a fool. To which H replied "well we all look like fools"
So then H once again brings up the why didn't I call and I finally said I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and H said well it wouldn't be the first time and hung up.
He was here earlier in the day, must have took a shower and put clean clothes and then put his work boots back on and didn't take anything else with him.
Now if I was an observer of this sitch, I'd say that H had OW help him out as she has two vehicles, gave H one and now he's stuck in her debt and trying to make me out to be the bad person becuase I DIDN'T CALL AND LOOK WHAT I HAD TO DO and it's all my fault!! I would think sooner or later ever H would tire of his same old excuses games.
He didn't take the cover for his boat either, which is odd, maybe THIS boat isn't as important to him as I thought. I wonder if I would have called H 15 minutes after OW called him and asked if he needed help he would have agreed to let me help or instead say something like "OW called first" and you didn't so you're the bad person now.
So I'm alone once again tonight..not suprising I guess. S is asleep and I can relax for awhile.
Cathy
P.S. thanks again holdingon...the checks in the mail and I'm on level ground once again.
on the way home from pizza S falls asleep and has been in bed every since...early for him, he was beat.
and I'm on level ground once again.