Hellloooo Ladies!!!

I've been meaning to post since yesterday, but can't get my thoughts together and in some ways feel like it's the same old stuff over and over, yet it's really not.

Father's Day was spent a ML baseball game (border game with Totite ).

H did get his new bass boat! H, SS and S went fishing Saturday evening. I was going to go hit some golf balls and was getting read to leave and H called me over to the boat and said "are you mad that you can't go with us?" I said no, there will be other times. H's truck holds three people, oh sure I could have drove to the dock and met them there, but three people in the boat is also too many.

So they get back we have dinner. SS is trying to get answer out of H as to what's he's doing on Father's Day. H talked about taking the boat here and there, hemmed and hawed, SS was still hanging around and ended up staying over night. H didn't seem to enthused about setting his alarm as he'd been getting before 5 am most of the week. Now when H has a boat, a boat that he really likes, he'd be out in it in a minute, but for some reason was holding back Saturday night as to what he was doing on Sunday.

At one point I told H it was his decision to make what he wanted to do and that S20 was waiting as it would have determined his plans for Sunday--meaning did he stay over night or go back to apartment and end up drinking all night. At one point H asked why he had to decide? H was struggling.

So we get up Sunday morning, late for us, had to even wake S4 up..everyone was beat. S20 had just got back from a Canada fishing trip at 4 am Saturday morning.

H still didn't know what he was doing, I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to use the tickets either way. If H went fishing it would have been him and S20. Didn't say a word either, kept quiet. In the past I would have said something like "if you're not going with us to the game, if you're fishing or whatever then I'll get my parents or whoever" and then H would be off fishing. I would have made the decision for him, but didn't do that on Sunday!

When S4 woke up he came out and gave his dad a big hug, said Happy Father's Day. H then asked S4 what HE wanted to do and S4 said go the baseball game. So H said we'll go to the game. SS20 couldn't come with us he works Sunday evenings on a farm and we wouldn't have been back in time. H gave up his boating time to spend Father's Day with his family..bonus!!

We did think we'd be back in time for H to go out in his boat, at least for a few hours. Due to heavy traffic that didn't work out. Driving down we were stuck at an accident for a bit and traffic was heavy, lines were long to get into the game and traffic was bad getting out of the park. You get in those car lines and it's everybody for themselves! No one wants to lose their spot in line not let anyone either! At one point H said "now I know what I don't go to these things." Which was a big sign to me, one I'd never paid attention to in the past. It's not that H doesn't like doing this type of thing, H doesn't like the traffic, etc. Which I can completely understand!

Things were a little tense in the traffic with H, he thinks he has to tell me how to drive. Was thinking back to when S and I went to a game last summer and how we had such a good time. No stress for me, traffic wasn't as bad and the park wasn't as crowded and we left early. My thought was to leave early from the game on Sunday, but didn't want to suggest it to H, was going to let him decide and we stayed for the whole game. If we are at a sporting event H does like to stay for the whole game where I'll leave a bit early just to beat the traffic. Didn't say a word either way.

When H is stressed it kind of makes me stressed, but tried my hardest on Sunday to fight those feelings as they WERE H's feelings, not mine. Traffic WAS bad, but there was nothing we could do about it or the accident.

Yesterday morning was a struggle, I don't know if it's just Monday morning or what, but my thoughts were all over, couldn't think straight, started thinking like I did way back prebomb about some financial concerns. And you know my first thought was "I want out, I can't do this" WHAT THE!? where did that come from?? Was just struggling with things most of the morning, by midafternoon I was doing better.

By the time I was home after work things were looking and feeling a lot better. Hadn't talked to H all day yesterday, it was raining so assumed he was rained out. BUT, he spent the day with his new boat and the other boat that we purchased two months ago> Took that boat to get fixed and then took his new boat out to put some miles on the motor. This boat might not be such a bad idea...

S4 had Tball so we did that. I get a call from H right as the game is finishing up. H was asking how S was doing and then asked if we wanted a ride in the boat. I said not tonight it's getting late. Then H said what about tomorrow night, so I think we'll go for a ride tonight. H got home right before dark, I helped him park it and H talked to me about a problem with the trailer...like a freind.

I talked to him this morning right away, what a bear!! He was growling about this and that, I just remained calmed and finally H said "man I'm tired" which was why his mood was growly. Eventually he relaxed and was my personable by the end of our conversation!

So yippee!! I don't know what's happening here, but as my friend Holdingon suggested in our chat last night...just go with the flow.

H is still being secretive about his whereabouts for the most part, but is starting to share more with me. It's not that he's really doing anything that I shouldn't know about it, it's just that he doesn't want me asking him? There were a few questions directed at him to which he either didn't reply. And Saturday night when he had already told S4 they were going fishing and H was taking his poles to his boat that I asked H if wanted some snacks to take and H said "what makes you think I'm even going?" WHAT THE!?? I'm not stupid, I can see plans are being made to go, it was very obvious they were going.....I laugh now when I think about it.

Cathy