I think that it might help you a lot if you are able to separate what are OW issues and what is MLC issues. I know that they are both connected. But what I am talking about is the moment to moment stuff. For example, I think that the "real world" comment is an MLC thing and not an OW issue. I can only imagine that it would make it easier on you to know that this comment has nothing to do with him wanting to re-connect with her. I can also see that the co-worker leaving and his reaction to it as an MLC trigger. He is looking with envy (possibly) at someone else moving on with his life and also seeing a huge load of work coming his way. Responsibilty is something that an MLCer avoids at all costs. Sounds like your H is struggling with that.
Sometimes it helps me, when my H makes these comments, to picture a teenager talking. I can then almost feel his frustration with life and at the same time know that it is fleeting. Soon he will be "on to" something else. BIG SIGH.
Debra is right in saying that he should look to you as his port in the storm. Instead of what he did in the past, which, you know was to dump his past and try to live a false life. What would make you seek someone out as a port in the storm?
My H also makes those mewling sounds at night sometimes. I still do not know if he does it consciously or not. It is confusing and painful to hear. I just hate to see him so vulnerable. I have patted him on the back and told him that he's okay when this happens. This usually works for him....but then leaves me feeling like I am his mother!! Ugh!
