Thanks Debra and DFB....you are both such lifelines for me, and wise, wise women....I know you're right about making myself sick obsessing over every little thing. I must keep working on putting it out of my mind. some days I'm a lot better at it than others..... Debra, your observation/ that if the worse case scenario happened, it would be because she pushes him into it, and he would not be happy is incredibly helpful, maybe empowering is the word....frankly I had never thought of this but....from what H said a month ago, I know OW was really putting on the pressure then...he said how she would say she loved him but there were always conditions attached, that she had become very demanding, that she got angry so easily, was always mad and throwing a fit and he was never sure what set her off....I can't imagine she's lessened it. I've know H for 26 years, been married to him for 25, and I can say for certain the one thing I have NEVER known to work on him is pressure/coercion....ABSOLUTELY NEVER......the guy has a real issue with authority/control, and I swear he turns into the rebellious teenager he never was....he absolutely hates feeling that someone is trying to control him or tell him what to do.....OK, looking at it from this standpoint has a good lesson in it for me....I can see that I'm doing what I need to be doing by staying backed off.....the further backed off from "them" the better, and making sure there is lots of "steak on the grill" at home so speak.... wow, thanks! I feel a little better ....I needed that!
I just had the thought that I wish there was some way to get her to turn up the heat! maybe I should send her an email from a fake account or an annonymous letter and say something like "why are you letting this guy treat you like that after all you've done for him?" or a number of them.....
