For my H it took at least 6 months once he called it quits with OW for him to stop the waffling and "missing" their relationship. He was also angry he had to make the choice he did and had no problem making sure I knew this. I know everyones sit is unique but your H seems to be following the pattern of reconnection and letting go of OW just like the books say. He will have his own time line however. Plus the added fact of seeing or being near her everyday is only going to lengthen the time unless or until he cuts off all contact. The longer he continues to let her be part of his life the harder and longer all of this will be. Unforturnately, he does not understand this. You have done all you can do and have done it very well i might add. Patience and understanding is what he needs. You will know when you have had enough. You are right to not give him any ultimatums at least not until you are completely ready to accept the consequences. OW is probably giving them, let her be the one to force the issue. If worse case senario were to happen, she will have forced it upon him and how happy will he really be? NOT!!!!!! Issuing ultimatums is in my opinion like making the decison for him. Dont do it until you are absolutely done with the situation. Regarding the ring, I have been hiking and running at night and my hands swell terribly and it takes a long time for my rings to be comfortable again. I think he is telling you the truth at least from my experience. Dont buy trouble that isnt there. When he becomes withdrawn ask him if he is ok, tell him you care and it he wants space let him know you understand and are there when he needs you. My H also balked alot with the affection and intimacy thing. Let him lead. Stop asking.If he notices that you have backed off, just tell you you noticed he needed some space and you were just letting him have it but you are right here if he needs you. He needs to feel safe and loved and absolutely no pressure from you, just kindness. Let her apply the pressure. You will be the place he runs when he is overwhelmed, that is how you have reversed roles with her. He has not responded well to pressure so far and seems to comment alot on your kindness towards him. That is working. Is there one night a week you two can set aside for a "date" night? Dinner a movie or just a walk? Try that it helps and gives you something to look forward to when "real life" gets in the way.
