Hi Deb: Update sounds really good. You are doing great. Keep doing what you have been doing, it is working!!!
My H and I have been having some really great conversations lately regarding how he was feeling after he came home. In the last few days he told me he honestly did not feel he had made the right decision in coming home (you know the old I am doing what is making everyone else happy, but what about me) until we hit the two year mark which was just this february. It took that long for him to understand what had happened to us. He said he had to take a good honest look at himself and stop blaming me and my weight and my working hours etc and find out what had made him unhappy originally. He was able to let go of OW once he left the post office he says relatively easily as he has started to see the "flaws" that she had not shown while they were together.While they continued to work together, he said at first he missed her horribly although he was sticking to our agreement of no contact. It caused him phyicial pain. Now he sees that it was not her he missed but the feelings he had when he was with her of being carefree and honest (with her of course he was able to spill all his dirty little secrets about the other OW) being able to pick up and go when they wanted and always being together (same work schedule)
Once he was gone, she was out of sight and out of mind. It still took him 18 months to figure it all out.
It all came down to communication. He just never felt he could talk to me. We married very young and alot was swept under the carpet for fear of hurting each others feelings, etc. He just couldnt take it anymore, nor could he tell me how he felt, it was just easier to leave. It wasnt a choice between her and me, it wasnt about her at all, it was just his only solution at the time to cure his unhappiness. He knows how wrong it all was and how much damage it has all caused and has moved mountains to put our family back together and now knows that only he can make himself happy, it is not an outside force.
This all takes time. There are no quick fixes or miracles so to speak. You are doing everything the right way. No pressure, just patience, kindness and most of all being his friend. Keep up all the hard work, it will pay off. Have faith in yourself.
