Deb: I'm here and have been checking on your thread daily and was hoping not to hear from you. I am so sorry. This OW is just a b..ch She cant even leave him alone long enough for a vacation with his family and I am sure she is loving that you are in the same cabin. That should be telling him something but it is not. Deb, you cant continue to live like this, it is going to wear you down. The man you knew your H to be was honest and stuck to his word, this man cant or wont. I know this may not be a popular view but think long and hard about what I am going to say. For your own sanity and the sake of your son and your well being, decide what you can deal with and what you cant. Your H told you during the last conversation that he did not believe you would let him go, so he is taking advantage of your kind soul and sounds like he wants you to tell him to leave so he does not have to say the words to you. Tell him what you feel, that he needs to make a choice and stick to it. If he choses to stay with you, then NO CONTACT, for any reason for any excuse. His continued contact with her is sabotaging your reconnection and he has to know this. She chose to get into a R with a married man, she knew the possible consequences and she can hire a therapist to get over it ( and her many other issues) it is not his responsibility. She is an adult. If he is unable to break this tie, then you have more choices to make. If he choses for their R to be over, then it is over, period, no gradual letting go, after all isnt this supposed to be what he has been doing for the last few months. This is his decision to make, do not let him back you into a corner and make it for him and dont let him let your non-action be permission to continue to behave as he is doing. I am sorry Deb but what is it saying to you that he put you in the position to stay in the same cabin, is calling her while on vacation with you, what he told you before you left about the vacation being a time for him to decide what he wanted when he had already supposedly made the decision? None of that was nice at all. He is still being selfish and controlled by her and their fantasy life. Stay strong Deb. Whatever choice he makes is his to own. You have done your best. He will see the light at some point but who knows when that will be so you need to take care of you and S. My prayers are with you. Drop the rope.
