so I got h off the couch for a while tonight. My cat didn't come when I called her (not that I even want her to be outside) but I did hear her call from the woods. Fearing the worst I opened the yellow pgs to find a 24hr vet and sought out h to help me look for her...couldn't find her...distraught I sat on the deck having a butt (ya I know shame on me) h said "why don't you come in" I pointed out the ciggarette so he came out fiddeling with a flashlight (that we couldn't get to work when we first went out, had to resort to using the kids fisher price one) streched his neck up to look at the tv (watching the sox game) gave me and I'll be right back I want to fix this light...went and sat down to watch the game (of course while still fiddeling with the flashlight)
I eventually came in (still distraught, not knowing whether to cry yet or wait til morning to see if she arives having just been being coy and wanting to perouse the night thus avoiding my calls) and started making 4 zuccini breads with the mamouth zuccini a friend gave me this afternoon...h walked by poured himself a glass of water and patted my shoulder strangley and went back off to watch the sox.
I'm sure at this point he's already fallen asleep.
what does all this say to me?
that I'm pretty much left to deal with everything alone!
christ some other guys wife get's my husbands support for her "illness" and yet I get nothing more than a pat on the shoulder? wtf am I?
I mean nothing to this man...hell he can't even be honest and say something wise like "well let's not draw any conclusions till the morning try not to worry I'm going to see how the sox are doing" instead he says nothing! how the hell did he console some woman over her terminal illness when he can even console his wife when her cat is missing and potentially lying dead somewhere in the woods. Am I really to be expected to believe that their r was not physical? that he actually CAN carry on a conversation with human beings that doesn't involve sports, weather or work? who the hell knows maybe they just sat and talked about her yard all the time...doubt it but really my only other alternative is to believe that no it wasn't simply an ea he didn't have enough to say and surley doesn't feel like listening to others talk so he must have just spent most of that time not saying a word but instead screwing the crap out of her.
I guess I should stop saying that m is a waist of time and just say that this m is a waist of time...gee maybe I should say "I think I love him but I know I'm not in love with him" or "We married the wrong people" "we have nothing in common" or "We married for the wrong reasons" or many other catch phrases that are dubed "alien speak" no wonder all the was say the same things...they're not making it up...it's not some dillusional state that makes them see the m that way...it's a result of years of things not working and them finally saying so in clear (hurtful) language.
My tanks empty...been running on fumes for years and there doesn't seem to be a gas station for miles.
