Certainly not the post that I wanted to read when I made my way over her. I guess I wanted to read about an epiphany that your husband had had. You know the one where the only thing that we have in this life that matters is our family. I do still pray for you guys though.
I am coming into Manchester on the 10th and staying in the area until the 24th (Sept.). I hope that we can possibly get together. I will e-mail my cell#. If it looks like you will have some free time you can call.
Nice to hear from you Tony..but that was not the nicest post..sorry.maybe I've been gone too long and missed something
LL...I hear ya...I am guessning you married him because you love him...things have been so turned upside down for you for a long time..all while trying to care for two young kids and a home and yourself..who wouldn't be exhausted and frustrated.I learned the hard way,that two people have to take care of their m..along with everything else..your h works incredible hours..you already know you can't change him..he has to be the one to see it..when, who knows..when it is too late..sometimes that's when it happens..but we all know here, that it is never too late.
I know you will figure it out..you will do what is best for you and your kids..
LL- Do you have any advice on what to do while H is gone? He decided to stay somewhere else last night. OW's house of course, one consolation, she's not there. She's moved and the house is empty til it's been sold. He's not sure when he'll be back. He did say he'd be at the bus stop on Tuesday morning to send the kids off to their first day of school. (That's fine, but it would be nice if he could HELP them get ready for the first day of school.)He says he wants our marriage to work and that the girls (7,5,2) are the most important things in his life. He just want to make sure that I can still love him, that I can still trust him and that I still want our marriage to work. He thought about all of this over the weekend. The weekend that he spent with her. WHAT!?
I'll just start rambling again. Any advice? Yes, I do want him to come home, but I wasn't going to throw myself at his feet and beg him to stay. I told him that if he felt he had to go, then he should go. bye
I should add that this was the first time the kids and I were home since we left 3 weeks ago to visit family.
Last edited by Mellanie; 08/23/0411:33 AM.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
I'd have to visit your thread to get a better idea of what exactly is going on but I will say that h should either spend the night to wake with the kids and help them get ready for school or meet you all at home and get to the bus stop together. Imagine how odd it would be for the children all waiting with the OTHER children to go off to school to meet their dad their...their excitment over the first day AND seeing their father will be too much...if they can be gretted by him at home first that would be better. Since it doesn't sound like he'll make this suggestion YOU SHOULD. Of course without expressing care for what they other children will think..simply make the suggestion that he either spend the night or arive at home early to all go off together. And don't forget to thank him either way (for coming early or meeting you there)
As far as what to do while he is gone? keep yourself and the children occupied but it also sounds to me that h wants to be wanted home by you...why not initiate a special night of the week for the "family" (Pizza and game night) and invite him to join you all.
ya know it's nice when one's spouse does return and even gets rid of the op....but man if I have to keep biting my tounge and acting as if I'm happy with the way things are I think I'll have no tounge left by the time I'm 40!
been basically keeping myself busy reading at night with no complaints from a h who's content to just fall asleep on the couch watching tv.
I'm pretty certain that things will never change with h and I can't for the life of me figure out why?
why was it that he found time or made time to spend with ow and I am supposed to be happy with him just because he pays the bills and is here.
sure while he was gone I kidded myself that his simply being here asleep on the couch would be enough but I'm realizing more and more how blind I truly was.
who knows maybe he'll surprise me while we're away on vacation next week (not the whole week...heavens no h couldn't bear to be away from work that long) and not just fall asleep after the kids are put to bed.
You know it's the excitement, the rush of adrenaline or hormones or whatever that gives us the extra energy for courting a potential mate. Remember when we were first enamored of our dear Hs and we could stay out til 3am and get up for work the next day with a smile on our face? So, he had a boost for a while then maybe he got tired of all that running around and that's why he's back home. Maybe he likes the comfort of home more than the running around. Who knows.
I am at that point right now where I would prefer to have him crashed in his recliner here rather than on HER recliner at her house.
He says he is "drifting" home. But still he sits there in her house, she's gone, but with the house not yet sold, to him it seems like an OK place to crash. It's still fully furnished, so why not? This situation is so bizarre to me that it is beyond words.
I understand, really. My H is still AWOL, so I would like him to come home, but I don't want him to come home to just flop in his chair and ignore us again. I need a partner here. That's what marriage is all about, right?
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Quote: You know it's the excitement, the rush of adrenaline or hormones or whatever that gives us the extra energy for courting a potential mate. that's understandable but what is it that makes some continue to put forth at least some effort in "keeping the love alive" while others are content to flop themselves on the couch of life and let their m coast? Remember when we were first enamored of our dear Hs and we could stay out til 3am and get up for work the next day with a smile on our face? that was a long long time ago and though on occassion it would still be nice...it's not what I'm looking for now. So, he had a boost for a while then maybe he got tired of all that running around and that's why he's back home. actually I don't know how much time he spent with ow at night since after all she had a husband and two young sons of her own to tend to..unless her h was a total shmuck and would let her go out with him at night...as far as I know the majority of their "dates" took place during the day. H never was much of a night person. He did however for a while when he first started to come home spend a few nights a week awake with me wathing the late show but that's not happening even once a month now. Maybe he likes the comfort of home more than the running around. Who knows. hey I enjoy the comfort of home too! it's just that I'd like to really enjoy the comfort of my home have some fun in it and not feel alone in it all the time.
I am at that point right now where I would prefer to have him crashed in his recliner here rather than on HER recliner at her house. well that's understandable! but you have to figure out if that's what you really want after all if it's only "I'd rather him here than there"
He says he is "drifting" home. I would say you should start drifting towrd (or at least acting as if you are) not wanting him home but I know you've made mention of his feeling that you don't. But still he sits there in her house, she's gone, but with the house not yet sold, to him it seems like an OK place to crash. It's still fully furnished, so why not? This situation is so bizarre to me that it is beyond words. If you take a look around you'll sadly discover it isn't so bizarre at all infact it's becoming somewhat the norm as sickening as that sounds.
I understand, really. My H is still AWOL, so I would like him to come home, but I don't want him to come home to just flop in his chair and ignore us again. I need a partner here. That's what marriage is all about, right? that IS exactly what m is all about but unfortunatley some get lost in thinking it's about houses and dishes and paying the bills.
so I got h off the couch for a while tonight. My cat didn't come when I called her (not that I even want her to be outside) but I did hear her call from the woods. Fearing the worst I opened the yellow pgs to find a 24hr vet and sought out h to help me look for her...couldn't find her...distraught I sat on the deck having a butt (ya I know shame on me) h said "why don't you come in" I pointed out the ciggarette so he came out fiddeling with a flashlight (that we couldn't get to work when we first went out, had to resort to using the kids fisher price one) streched his neck up to look at the tv (watching the sox game) gave me and I'll be right back I want to fix this light...went and sat down to watch the game (of course while still fiddeling with the flashlight)
I eventually came in (still distraught, not knowing whether to cry yet or wait til morning to see if she arives having just been being coy and wanting to perouse the night thus avoiding my calls) and started making 4 zuccini breads with the mamouth zuccini a friend gave me this afternoon...h walked by poured himself a glass of water and patted my shoulder strangley and went back off to watch the sox.
I'm sure at this point he's already fallen asleep.
what does all this say to me?
that I'm pretty much left to deal with everything alone!
christ some other guys wife get's my husbands support for her "illness" and yet I get nothing more than a pat on the shoulder? wtf am I?
I mean nothing to this man...hell he can't even be honest and say something wise like "well let's not draw any conclusions till the morning try not to worry I'm going to see how the sox are doing" instead he says nothing! how the hell did he console some woman over her terminal illness when he can even console his wife when her cat is missing and potentially lying dead somewhere in the woods. Am I really to be expected to believe that their r was not physical? that he actually CAN carry on a conversation with human beings that doesn't involve sports, weather or work? who the hell knows maybe they just sat and talked about her yard all the time...doubt it but really my only other alternative is to believe that no it wasn't simply an ea he didn't have enough to say and surley doesn't feel like listening to others talk so he must have just spent most of that time not saying a word but instead screwing the crap out of her.
I guess I should stop saying that m is a waist of time and just say that this m is a waist of time...gee maybe I should say "I think I love him but I know I'm not in love with him" or "We married the wrong people" "we have nothing in common" or "We married for the wrong reasons" or many other catch phrases that are dubed "alien speak" no wonder all the was say the same things...they're not making it up...it's not some dillusional state that makes them see the m that way...it's a result of years of things not working and them finally saying so in clear (hurtful) language.
My tanks empty...been running on fumes for years and there doesn't seem to be a gas station for miles.
It was posted on the wall at the adult toy store 