I don't know how to link threads, but it's called "The Ugly Truth..." or " Is he back?" I'm not sure which. My previous thread "Not a Doormat" has been locked. Never thought I'd be around that long. Ha Ha.
Feel free to check on me. I could use the company. Mel
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
just taking a peek in. have a lot of vacations planned some with the kiddos and some with just h (in the fall and winter) nice to have something to look forward to and was able to let h know that though I enjoy having vaca time to look forward to it would also be nice to know the person I'm going away with...in other words some just plain ole regular hanging out time too..h of course is busy as usual with work and is tired when he gets home. I've been keeping myself busy with stuff around the house, the kids and my various clubs.
If I had to rate my m as it is now I'd say it's pretty good, there's always room for improvement and let's face it the childrearing years are probably one of the more draining times in a marriage. about the only thing that troubles me is still the question of why this all happend. So many people here can and do find fault in themselves for their spouses indiscretions and I'm sorry folks I'm not perfect but this had very little if anything to do with me. Classic stuff is what it is...new home, desire for second child, work stress, mini mlc etc etc.
OK so I lied the only question that continues to eat at me (as some like to say) is not why but what. I know what h has been willing to share but feel at times that he's being less than honest about some things...namely was it ever a pa.
been down this road already. just stuck in it is all...I don't let it interfere with how things go around here...it just bugs me at times to not know if I know what I want to know or if I already know and am refusing to believe it.
LL, Lemme ask you this: If you have a hard time getting your H to ML to you, why do you think it would be any different for the OW?
And I'm not being flip.
I know that my H would have a freakin easy time of having an EA, even an extended EA, and not turning it physical. Ok, maybe not an easy time but he could do it, no problemo.
I have SEEN his willpower and I would have a tendency to believe him based on this.
You know your H can go long periods of time without sex and doesn't have an overriding need for it. So this situation...an EA with no sex...would really be in keeping with his general personality wouldn't it? If the answer is yes, then maybe you can relax and go with that thought. If there was a great dichotomy between what his normal actions are vs. what he said happened with her, then yeah I'd say to keep on questioning. But he might be tellin the truth.
Glad to hear things are going good.
Hey I wanted to ask you one more thing: My H is the type of guy who needs the emotional part in order to feel sexy. That is, he needs to feel my love and unconditional acceptance of him to desire me. Me prancing around in a nightie would not do it for him, but if I gave him an extended hug and told him how much I appreciated him and loved him, would.
Is your H like this? Could these guys operate more in the traditionally female roles (in this instance only--I know that your H and mine are no sissy boys, lol) in that they need an inordinate amount of affection and love in order to want sex?
I'm trying to nail down what it was that drew him to OW and therefore help you with your first question...why.
The what was already addressed in the above paragraph.
Quote: LL, Lemme ask you this: If you have a hard time getting your H to ML to you, why do you think it would be any different for the OW?
because affairs are very different than "actual" relationships and people behave differently in them
And I'm not being flip.
I know that.
I know that my H would have a freakin easy time of having an EA, even an extended EA, and not turning it physical. Ok, maybe not an easy time but he could do it, no problemo.
and I'm not completely doubting that mine couldn't either...but...
I have SEEN his willpower and I would have a tendency to believe him based on this.
I have a creative imagination that colors my ability to take h's past actions (or rather lack of action) as having much validity in the case
You know your H can go long periods of time without sex and doesn't have an overriding need for it. So this situation...an EA with no sex...would really be in keeping with his general personality wouldn't it?
'course it would...but there are plenty of ld folks who when they have an a suddenly find themselves in hd mode.
If the answer is yes, then maybe you can relax and go with that thought. If there was a great dichotomy between what his normal actions are vs. what he said happened with her, then yeah I'd say to keep on questioning. But he might be tellin the truth.
I know he might be telling the truth...but he might also not be telling the truth and that's what bugs me.
Glad to hear things are going good.
me too but I think it's mostly due to my just keeping myself otherwise occupied
Hey I wanted to ask you one more thing: My H is the type of guy who needs the emotional part in order to feel sexy. That is, he needs to feel my love and unconditional acceptance of him to desire me. Me prancing around in a nightie would not do it for him, but if I gave him an extended hug and told him how much I appreciated him and loved him, would.
I think it's safe to say that my h would fit that description though at times the prancing around in a nightie works too but I'm more likely to get results with simple admiration
Is your H like this? Could these guys operate more in the traditionally female roles (in this instance only--I know that your H and mine are no sissy boys, lol) in that they need an inordinate amount of affection and love in order to want sex?
yup, but as I said there are times when he's a manly man who just wants it to want it. hmmm on second thought there have been plenty of occassions when we are connecting on a mental/emotional level and then nada in the physical? I don't know where it comes from when it does....
I'm trying to nail down what it was that drew him to OW and therefore help you with your first question...why.
his answer was always..."she was nice" "she went to bat for me" stood up to her neighbors (also customers) over a billing issue when they were conisdering dropping his services. they had a frienship (I'd assume in the form of a typical client r) that somehow became more and he took an extra interest when she was diagnosed with cancer.
The what was already addressed in the above paragraph.
Take care lady. HP
Thanks for stopping by, I know I probably give lots of folks round here a headache.
Quote: Thanks for stopping by, I know I probably give lots of folks round here a headache.
Well if what you write here gives someone a headache ... well, that's something out of your control and is their problem.
yes that is true KAW but I do feel somewhat responsible for what people get out of what I write. Some people use this place as a daily journal with good and bad, some use it for chit-chat and companionship, some us it to vent, etc etc. At times I have used it for all three but find that my life seems to go better when I simply use it to vent and that really isn't fair to people who may read my threads because they are left with a grave misrepresentation of what is.
Its your choice to keep writing here or stop & feel defeated ... I, for one, am glad to see you continuing to write here!
I don't feel defeated just feel out of the loop with no strong desire to jump back into it as it only seems to serve to add more trouble to a somewhat peacful life. Things were much easier here in piecing when there were 5 or so regulars..it was easy to catch up and say hello never falling off the first page even if you didn't post for a week or more...now? forget it
can a m survive on vacations alone? on the stray occassional here and there catch as catch can moments of conversation? on the few and far between time spent alone together?
can a "typical" unscarred m survive on that alone? can a scarred m survive?
feeling lost, feeling hopeless, feeling like I live with a stranger who sleeps in my bed and occassionaly even has sex with me but is it a relationship? would it matter if I or he were someone else?
as usual I am tired...tired of living my life alone...not satisfied with the status quo...not satisfied to just be happy and greatful that I have a man who pays the bills...I'm sorry that I want more...I'm sorry that I'm not satisfied to be able to go on a family vacation...I'm sorry that I'd like to know the man with whom I share a family and home instead of feeling like it wouldn't matter if I suddenly weren't here 'course he may wonder why the beds not made or there's no food or the laundry isn't done or where the kids are but other than that? honestly...
So, should we just assume you are venting and it's not really as bad as it sounds?
What can we use to chip through the brick wall and get them to talk to us? H wants to be close to me and tells me that if he didn't care he wouldn't be so concerned about my phone calls, etc, but, follow thru buddy. TALK TO ME! How do we get to them?
And NO, you cannot stay on vacation forever. If your kids are anything like mine, they already want to go home. How does he react when you tell him how much fun you are having on vacation? My H was a little surprised when I went on and on about what a great day we'd had, how beautiful the weather was, etc. I even said, quit your job and lets move here. I think he laughed, but I was so pumped that he couldn't help but respond.
Well, do all the venting or journaling you need. It gets it off your shoulders and helps you let it go, right? And you don't bore the heck out of your human friends.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Don't think I'll be catching up to you anytime soon though!