every once in a while I just take a break from posting on my own thread and tend to either lurk or post in other forums (mostly the infidelity forum) to other folks.
I could say that the during the times that I don't post to my thread things are better but that would be a lie. It is simply that the icky feelings are not right at the surface thus warrenting a vent.
I still ponder every day wtf? I don't know that I will ever loose that feeling and it troubles me even more. It's not just a matter of having patience...after all how much patience can one have with something as significant as their marriage. Sure I can decide to just be happy and accept the status quo but what is that? I'm not some dreamy little kid who wants to be swept off her feet but I also don't want to at the end of the day look at my h asleep on the couch and have a feelings of "wtf are we doing this for?"
I appreciate such things as h saying "I'm tired of being tired" and of course his talk of things slowing down for him soon (ya right) but admit that with each passing busy time these words offer little assurance to me.
I often sit and ponder...if h hadn't of moved out and "only" had the a would I feel differently now? but it's foolish to ponder such things because that isn't the way it worked out.
It is not that I don't on some level understand h's indiscretion it is the fact that I don't understand how he could take it so far. I feel like I've been robbed and there is no replacing the valuables lost in the robbery and even when/if you get back what was lost it's not the same because it's now tainted with the thought of the robbery.
stop signs don't work when your mind works with reason. The only thing stop signs will do is to keep you from reacting to what you feel,know, etc.
I wonder sometimes if the people who have healthy marriages after an affair/seperation etc. are fooling themselves or if it is really possible.
