Quote: LL, I know that you are hungry for time alone with H.
Does it matter to you who makes the initial "time alone" move? That is, if you scheduled it, would it somehow take away from the specialness of it? certainly not. however if it is by my suggestion it is likely to be turned down due to his being too busy or too tired.
What I am suggesting is to tell him that if he is not going to make time for it to happen, that you will arrange it. He can either show up or not. You can make the lunch date at the park and he can either show or blow it off. You can arrange a sitter for Sat night and plan a movie date..he can come or not. doesn't that just put more pressure on him?
Perhaps after seeing you go on with plans with or without him, he would get the drift that you do not intend to either wait for him to make time, or wait AROUND for him while he remains busy.
Whatcha think? I think it sounds great but it is a HUGE risk because making such plans without consulting him is almost the same as me asking only instead of asking and being unhappy that I get nothing I'd in a sense be telling him. It's easier for him to say he can't than to just not show because he can't
I also think that it would have to be a blitz type scenario. Where you plan a lunch date, he blows it off, you say "whatever, your loss". Then plan the movie night that weekend, let him make his decision, again with the whatever attitude. How bout I simply suggest it and if he says no then I still go? Then the next week plan on playing a quick game of cards after the kids go to bed. He can participate or not. so does that mean if he says no I sit at the puter playing solitaire?
I think he both likes and resents the fact that he is in charge of "making time". He likes the control it affords him, but he also resents having to plan his free time out to include Wife Time. all he has to do is accept. I don't know that my suggestion will work, but I told ya I was relentless and I was not going to give up on my sister in suffering. we all have to be a bit relentless to be here in the first place don't we
