tust, what's love got to do with it

[Dmsw4]

Hi Ladies- My H and I went to a counselor early on in all this mess. He also saw the C alone. When she asked him why the next R with the OW would be any different from the one with me, he told her it was because they had both learned from their mistakes and would make more time for each other and the R and the kids (meaning, I guess HER kids), and not work so much, and take family vacations. The C told me this at a later session (which I'm not sure she should have, but I'm glad she did), I about lost it. How can he be willing to make such drastic changes for her and can't salvage what we have together and do the same at home? OW's been married twice before, so she's done a LOT of learning from mistakes, evidently.

Now, here we are. He says that he and the OW are just friends, which I think would be impossible. He has not made any positive changes at home. He is not going with us on our visit to his parents home. He is not going with me to my family reunion. He's not rude, well..sometimes, but he doesn't talk much in general. Last night I was trying to get 3 kids to bed and from his chair in the lr he asked if he could do anything to help. Yeah, get up off your butt and help me get these blasted kids to bed! was what I wanted to say, instead I asked if he could help with D5 (who was having a hard time getting up off the floor and out of the puddle of tears she was crying because no one loves her) while I worked on D7 and D2. He did not move.

I'm venting agan. Sorry.

LL, do you have any plans to take the kids on vacation, or away for the weekend? I'm finding it hard to leave because I keep worrying what he will do while I'm gone. Then I think that he will probably find a way to do it while I'm here, so it shouldn't matter. But I sure don't want to make it easy for him.

I trying to think about what's missing. You mentioned not wanting to seem like a brat. I think I want to be spoiled, in a good way. In the beginning, there are flowers, words of love, long talks on the phone, jewelry, holding hands. H thinks that I pulled away from him, but I think that slowly, that stuff started going away when, as life goes, other things start taking priority. I still want those things. So he thinks its about sex and how infrequently we had it, I think if he took the time to talk to me a little more, we'd be having sex more often. No one wants to ML to a person who comes to bed after you've wrestled 3 kids into their beds without help and asks if you're feeling frisky!

Is this off the subject? Sorry again, but I think it's all part of the same big picture. Maybe we all change for a little while when we're "courting", but we fall into "normal" routines and then we're all left feeling like we've been bamboozled, tricked. I want to feel adored again. Remember that feeling? Beautiful, smart, funny. I can feel that with my friends, heck, their husbands like me. So I can't be all that bad. And you're great too, I can just tell. Take care.