Quote: LL -- kind of hitting and running so I hope this doesn't seem abrupt...IMHO, you're describing a classic "cycle" -- you're saying that the tension will go away when he makes some changes (to spend more time with you) and he's (sort of) saying that he'll make some changes (spend more time with you) when the tension goes away... I know I usually have some snippy answer for everything but. He is not saying that..what he's saying is he just wants to come home to peace. Even when that peace is here...he's happy and content, relaxed enough to go up to bed at 8 instead of falling asleep on the couch in some attempt to keep me happy. When in reality if he chose just one night to stay awake for a bit..the rest of them he could go to sleep in the bed rather than on the couch.
What would it take for you to release the tension w/o some guarantees from him? uhm? my initial thought was not one I should type here...but it may involve batteries. What if one of you were to take the giant step forward? I've been taking steps and getting no where.
and, so long as I've put it out there already...my personal opinion (and two cents) is that h reacts to you "doing your own thing" positively (by making an effort) NOT because he wants what he can't have, he's afraid of losing you, etc. BUT because while you're "busy doing your own thing" the tension goes away.
I think it's more of a he suddenly had a bit of free time so was present and not a reaction at all to me as there have been plenty of times when I'm here doing my own thing expecting nothing from him and getting nothing from him..it's not until there's some kind of argument (that usually centers around this area) that things change a little bit.
Now...what would it take for you to "do your own thing" without it having the overlay of resentment and a bit of "so there"? it would never be a so there, I meant that eventualy I may STAY busy doing my own thing and not drop it just because he suddenly has the time for me.
Could you drop the expecations for h without mixing in a hearty dose of anger? is resentment the same as anger? is hurt and desperation the same as anger? becasue though anger is what you hear angry is not what I am.
Sage
as always I thank you for your advice it does make sense but doesn't work in this r...trust me no matter how many leaps I take my h will never even make half the effort yours does...imagine that now? feel the way you feel now but get less than a quarter of what your getting? how would you feel?
