tust, what's love got to do with it

[sage]

h speaks of wanting to come home to peace and feeling tension. I have and had expressed that tension would dimminish if I knew when the hell we would spend our time together. If I get busy doing my own thing while he's busy not having the time or energy for us I'm not likely to continue dropping it when he's suddenly ready (the ole too little too late concept I guess) So the tension exist because I can't say to myself ok he's tired tonight but I know that on x night we will chat because x night may be a month or so away. Having a night means that both h and I can happily do our own thing knowing we'll get together then...wich of course reminds me of that song...you know the one..."you know we'll have a good time then" but when the father suddenly has time his son is off living his own life and to busy.

LL -- kind of hitting and running so I hope this doesn't seem abrupt...IMHO, you're describing a classic "cycle" -- you're saying that the tension will go away when he makes some changes (to spend more time with you) and he's (sort of) saying that he'll make some changes (spend more time with you) when the tension goes away...

What would it take for you to release the tension w/o some guarantees from him? What if one of you were to take the giant step forward?

and, so long as I've put it out there already...my personal opinion (and two cents) is that h reacts to you "doing your own thing" positively (by making an effort) NOT because he wants what he can't have, he's afraid of losing you, etc. BUT because while you're "busy doing your own thing" the tension goes away.

Now...what would it take for you to "do your own thing" without it having the overlay of resentment and a bit of "so there"?

Could you drop the expecations for h without mixing in a hearty dose of anger?

Sage