I can't even read posts in SSM anymore as it further depresses me. Some of those folks have an outside chance in hell, because their spouses are making some attempt. There were times when your H did make some effort and it has stopped again. I know how hard this is on you, I've lived with the rejection and pain and know how it makes one feel.
Marriage still takes two and you can only beat your head against the wall for so long before you stop.
Hugs,
JoJo
JoJo,
All I'm looking for from h is some constancy and not a rigid boring, we do x on z night and y on q night. I'm simply looking for some regular time for US. Though h is capable of giving himself to the r when he's got the time, that just doesn't work because who knows when he'll have time. Could be once this month and not again for two months or a week or whenever. I'm not talking about anything big either, I'm simply talking about spending 15 min or so just talking and even that doesn't happen with any regularity. Am I so much of a brat that I shouldn't ask for at least that from my h? I'm not asking to go out dancing or for dinner weekly or that he stay up all night with me wathcing the stars and pondering the existance of et's. I'm simply asking for a little bit of time to foster a connection between the two of us that goes a bit beyond the house, the laundry etc.
I think h hears me but doesn't know what to say so either expreses his frustration over the sit wich comes off as an attack at me or he doesn't say anything at all wich in turn comes off as his just not caring.
I at times think that h just doesn't understand how easy it could be.
It is not a new issue it is simply one that has never been resolved no matter how many times it's brought to the table.
Of course now add onto that old still present issue the fact that somehow (even if only for brief lunch "dates") he was able and willing to make the time for ow. Why do I not deserve the same? I know it's more difficult because we are not 5 min away but I'd be willing to drive down and meet him at a park for lunch with the kids.
Of course h doesn't see that what this woman was looking for from him (and getting) is not much more than I would like...and heck don't I deserve it? doesn't he deserve it?
h speaks of wanting to come home to peace and feeling tension. I have and had expressed that tension would dimminish if I knew when the hell we would spend our time together. If I get busy doing my own thing while he's busy not having the time or energy for us I'm not likely to continue dropping it when he's suddenly ready (the ole too little too late concept I guess) So the tension exist because I can't say to myself ok he's tired tonight but I know that on x night we will chat because x night may be a month or so away. Having a night means that both h and I can happily do our own thing knowing we'll get together then...wich of course reminds me of that song...you know the one..."you know we'll have a good time then" but when the father suddenly has time his son is off living his own life and to busy.
had another argument last night. He asked what was bothering me and I told him.
