I'm not sure that I was insinuating anything in my post to you, but you did say "what if I were the one to have the a and leave?"
I meant, if it HAD been me would h be just honky dory now as he expects me to be? Would he have even accepted me back? Does he think less or more of me for letting him back.
Over the years H and I had our arguments where we flung things at each other, as one does. They were said in the heat of the moment. Things like "Don't think I'm going to put up with this kind of rudeness for ever, because I won't!" which my H evidently saw as my threatening to leave him. Methinks he decided to beat me to it.
but WOULD you have put up with "this kind of rudeness forever?" and what makes you think that "this kind of rudeness" wont still be present if you reconcille and perhaps the only change will be that you no longer make such comments.
I asked at bomb time why he had never sat down with me and tried to wrok things out before... he said he had tried.
I certainly don't remember him trying, never spelled things out, but no doubt he thinks that some things he said or did constituted 'trying' in his eyes. I don't know cause he hasn't told me. Whatever, NOT good communication.
I know that things said in moments of lashing out, or sarcastic comments, never fall on fertile soil. I wonder what the contexts of your "What ifs?" in various wordings were?
I have stated that our r needs to be worked on. I have requested set asside time for us. I have used analogy after analogy trying to express to him what can happen to a m if you don't take care of it. ie. we have a beautiful lawn..it's beautiful and healthy because it gets watered 2x a day, it gets fertelized when needed, it gets cut each week, it gets sprayed for weeds etc. If h didn't do these things to the lawn sure we may have some green stuff out there but there'd be weeds and dry patches and bald spots and what if it doesn't rain enough? Why is putting effort into having a nice lawn worth it but putting the effort in to a m not?
LL, I am not out of sympathy, just trying to be constructive. not looking for sympathy, but also not looking to be seen as some spoiled brat whose h did after all come home. As I said above, in your case...what if your h does come home but the rudeness you speak of doesn't end and you have nothing to do but not make such statments? Livnlearn
