Hi, I'm new here and just wanted to let you know I appreciate your situation.(sorry this is a little long) I have been married to my H for 10yrs. and together for 12. I just found out about a year ago that my husband looks at porn on the internet. At first I was really mad because he never invited me to look with him. Our marriage has always been sex starved he is very LD and he is diabetic which he belives is making him lose sensation. And here he was in secret looking at these women and not me. So I decided to make the best of the situation and let him know I am totally ok with porn and would like to be included. He was open about this for a while. I would look at what he looked at while I was away and it kind of turned me on. This led to more sex, I would say ML but that isn't what it was. After a while I noticed that he looked at a very specific body type, not mine. So one night I broke down and cried to him about it and told him it hurt my feelings (I know this isn't the best thing to do). This created a situation where he got a little better at hiding the porn. He eventually got a laptop and I got curious and found he had actually kept a folder!!! And links to web sites to get rid of user history. As far as I had ever been aware he had only looked not collected. This led to the TALK. We for the first time ever talked about a split. I couldn't handle the sneaking any longer, I felt I was being lied to. We talked about the issue and found that my husband has HUGE guilt issues with sex in general. He grew up in a very conservative family and sex was never spoke of and if porn was found it was shamed. He really opened up and told me he had been renting porn in secret. I asked him if I had ever done anything in the past to make him think I didn't like to watch porn too? He said no it was just his own guilt issues. He really wants to work through this and understands there are lots of ways to ML and be intimate. We found that we have different definitions of words and ideas. The next day I found this web site and was just in shock! The SSM section is one of the largest. It is a problem in lots of marriages and to find how many other women are HD with LD husbands. I came home that night and had him read some of the posts. He sat there and cried. He seems to REALLY "get it" and as a result has been so open and willing. I am very greatfull to all of you. Thank you for sharing Rache.
