First of all, my H hates it when I say things like, "Where did that come from?" when he is being affectionate or trying to meet my needs. I KNOW this and I can certainly see why he would feel that way, and yet I hear these idiot remarks popping out of my mouth more times than I can count.
Maybe try to retrain yourself to just say "thank you!" when he gives a good kiss, or "mmm, that was nice!" I think if the LD partner senses that we are trying to pinpoint where there motives lie--horniness or affection--it flips a switch in them to DEFINITELY not horny. (and any LD person is welcome to jump in here and either confirm or deny this..) Just enjoy it for what it is. That is really all he wants from you--acceptance and love.
Then, say what you mean. I have a REALLY hard time with this one, too, so I hope you know that I am advising myself here as well as you. If you want to ML, ask for that, not for cuddling. These "code words" that we HD people use are not going over the LD person's head--they know exactly what is being asked of them. Specifically for the guys, cuddling can mean (and usually does!) "can we cuddle and I hope you get hard so we can take it further"..
He sees right through this and was obviously not in the mood to play games. My only advice in this situation is to read his signals and go with the flow. If you sense an opening, GO FOR IT. If not, maybe wait til the next night. I know it doesn't do much for your own horniness but until you have the conversation in which you tell him exactly how much sex you are wanting from the relationship, I think you will have to take whatever you are getting. There is nothing to "hold him to" if you have never voiced any opinion other than wanting 'more', which is pretty vague, kwim?
Incidentally I pray too for sex, which really surprised my LDH a while back. My prayer goes something like this: "Lord, please allow H to open his mind and body to me." Short and sweet.
I also agree that it is harder being an HD female, though probably not by much. Imagine how frustrating it would be to have society basically SUPPORTING your partners low libido and stupid sitcoms making jokes about how funny it is to reject your husband!!
I hope that you are able to get to a place soon where you can look in the mirror and see what a sexy lady you are, with or without H's validation. Plus, confidence is very sexy so maybe he will react to that!
Was your H ever complimentary towards your sexuality? At what point did it start to taper off?
