You said something else I have to comment on. You said:
Quote: What I was trying to say here is that Michelle says several times in SSM that the HD man needs to show A LOT of empathy towards his LD wife. I believe that this is code for "Realize that they have much to overcome, and even their best efforts will not be what you were hoping for, so please set your sights MUCH lower."
That's not what I got out of it at all. What I got out of that was that the HDH should realize that desire isn't a switch that you can flip on. He needs to me empathetic and understand that his LDW can't just decide to become HD. They both need to understand the other's needs and desires and try to work together to meet those needs and desires. One potential outcome is that the HDH will have to lower his expectations, but that's by no means the only possible scenario.
That may be more or less the same thing you said, but for me it's all in the attitude. I view it as a difference that both partners need to work together to resolve. You appear to view it as a shortcoming on your W's behalf that you have to suffer along with. The end result might be the same, but the attitude does make a difference. If you look at it as both of you having a problem that you need to work on together in a loving and compassionate manner, then any increase in frequency and/or desire is a positive step that benefits you both. If you look at it as a shortcoming on her part, any increase in frequency and/or desire that doesn't measure up to what YOU want is still a failure. Maybe not as big a failure, but a failure nonetheless.
