First let me tell you-none of this is easy. There are days I cry all the way to work, I have learned not to do it in front of h anymore.
I found that it's easier to detach if I treat my H like a roommate ( you can read my posts on this site).
I also have worked on me-taking spanish lessonand cooking classes. With the H home I have a built in babysitter- when I come home from the classes I'm upbeat and tell H what Iv'e learned. Also say I always wanted to do this.
On the weekends I take the kids to the beach with or with out H. We have worked out a schedule that we alternate SAT nights, one week I go out(don't tell where) the other week H goes out(i know with who)beleieve me this is hard but I have friends I call on these nights.
The only thing I ask is that we give each other notice if we are going out during the week after work or whatever, so someone is home with kids.
As for the ow I know from snooping( which i am working on stopping ) that they talk on the cell sometimes 15 times in a day. Sooo high school I started to think what could they possibly talk about- and then I read the Five Love Languages by Dobson-get it. If you konw your H you will be able to figure out which language he needs and believe me the ow is speaking it. Anyway thats what I learned to do and I really have to make a conscious effort because somedays I want to say Get the F--- out you a--hole.
I also ask his opinion on things and tell him that it's a good idea ( even if I don't think so) because he real;ly likes this.
Low self esteem. Someone once told me the Oscars are wasted on Hollywood and I think that during this crisis it's true..
We will still have alot of work to do when this ow blows over but then it will be two people working on a m. Right now it's onesided. But the goal is to out last this A which they say can take 6 months or more UG. and hopefully get our H's back from their journey. Right now I want h back and believe that he is really lost but I want a new H back.
The ml part is definately a strong tactic, we have never had probl;ems in this area and obviously if he's willing to do it. It can't be that great with the ow so I'm using that. I have to be honest sometimes I want to cry when we do it and others I really don't want to be intimate but I convince myself that it's a strong connection and in the begining there was no eye contact and no kissing-now I can get him to kiss me and he has even stroked my arm afterwards.
Its strange because now h even flirts with me. But I tell you those messages I leave or even if I just say something like " that was really hot last night" in a sexy voice he loves it and I always get a call back with more word play.
