WOW. Thank you to everybody who replied to the last posting and I enjoyed the discussion. I have been out of town for many days and am back now to provide an update.
I did not send the aforementioned email to OM. I did send it to my W and she found it to be very powerful, and urged me not to send it. In trying not to be demanding and ultimatum-making, I agreed. While I was away my W met with OM for the "last time" so that she could have some closure to her affair. Interestingly enough, she bumped into OM a few days before in a crowded social situation with our kids and his partner, and she said that at that point the bubble burst and the "spell was broken" for her.
I have not questioned her about her final meeting, but I know that it took place in a place where they would not be physically intimate. And, as far as I can discern, she has been true to her word and has not had any contact with OM since that time.
We are getting along fine for the last couple of days since my return, but have been so busy that we have not really talked or had any time alone together. All I know is that I feel very loving toward her and optimistic. A drastic change from a few days ago. I think the thing that has made the most difference is that I'm not reading any emails between her and OM. I know that was a terrible thing to subject myself to, but I felt compelled to know at the same time. So, the advice not to spy is good advice, if objective is to feel better. However, by spying I know that my wife has had no contact with OM, and I feel good about that. I guess it's a double-edged sword.
I have read DB in the last few days as well, and plan to follow the principles outlined therein. I imagine that my W will also read it if she has not already.
