Davis, I have read some of your posts and I must admit your "hardline" approach to affairs is both logical and justified. I can see how your approach might even be quickly effective at stopping an A and possibly even at restoring the marriage... in CERTAIN situations.
I was not recommending that Q treat the "adultery" with empathy, just that he not get all worked up over this one "battle" while loosing sight of the "war."
You are absolutely right, he is NOT as "important" to his W RIGHT NOW, as OM is. But the key words in your sentence are "right now." Feelings/behavior CHANGE... research shows that while some A's bust up marriages, most do NOT... they just make them miserable to be in for awhile. Odds are that Q will once again be "first" with his W, and filing for a quick D would sabotage that very likely possibility...
My question for you is this... Why would Q want to forfeit his main objective (getting W back) by divorcing W, when there is no guarantee that threatening such a step will secure his objective? That strategy only makes sense if the M is completely expendable to a particular H, and it is clealy not expendable, to Q!
I can see that you think M should be treated like a business deal. I respect that view, but when negotiating deals, sometimes some pawns must be sacrificed in order to get to the queen. Whether or not OM and W just play kissy face, or really heat things up in a motel or not... those are just PAWNS in this deal, when all is said and done. The queen he needs to capture is W's emotions, and the king is SAVING THE M. I was only recommending that he not sweat over a few lost pawns... I am not saying that adultery is "okay."
