Tonight my W and I went to a party that could have been a lot of fun, instead she didn't want to dance with me and practically ignored me the whole evening. When she came home she immediately sent a letter to OM saying that she really wants to see him, but realizes that if she does she'll probably end up leaving me. How am I supposed to take that?
Up to this point I have been the model of calm, controlled and incredibly tolerant and understanding. However, after reading this I drafted an email to OM saying that if I even suspect he has contacted my W in any way, I would alert his girlfriend whom he lives with (and my W is aware that they are living together since we have done things together).
At the last moment I sent the email to my W, telling her that I would send it to him also. Unless she comes up with some miracle solution, I do intend to send this tomorrow. Although, even as I write this I feel my anger subsiding and my resolve to follow through weakening since I have been advised through all my readings and all your support not to pressure and not to confront. But how can I not do something?
It seems that to let her continue is insane, since it will only entangle them further and lead to more and more intimacy between them and more alienation between us. We had such a wonderful time together on holidays just a few weeks ago. We even had sex. Where did that go? What is she thinking. Every time she feels slightly annoyed with me she contacts him.
Maybe this should tell me something. Will this make her annoyed, or will it be the wakeup call she needs? I truly believe, from what she tells me and what she writes to him that she wants to be able to stop contacting him, but she doesn't have the resolve. Will this help?
The other question that comes to mind is that if I make him choose between, in essence, my W and his girlfriend, will he make a stand and choose to keep contacting my W, leading her to believe that he really does love her more than I ever could (which is rubbish!)?
I am so overwrought right now, I don't know which direction to go. Has anyone been in this situation before? What would have happened to any of you if your spouse had put this ultimatum out there while you were having an affair?
