I can tell you from my own experience that reading her email is bad for you. I collected every one of my wife's emails for two months, and had to listen to her lie looking me right in the eye, and it killed me. There is NO WAY you can make the changes you need to make in yourself while you are doing this.
I would advocate this: if you REALLY want to try to work this out - let this thing with your W run it's course. Try not to think about it as much as possible, just do what you need to do. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, but I personally think it is the only way you have a chance in your W.
Look, your wife saying one thing and doing the complete opposite is NORMAL in this case, no matter what you think of it. She is so swept up in the OM, you cannot base any of your decisions on how she acted in the past. The best you can do is let this go, and perhaps she will decide for herself that you are what she wants.
I know that all of this probably sounds insane to you. Oh, and I wouldn't be out of town if I were you. In this situation out of sight is out of mind.
