Thanks Davis and Sinjin. It is interesting how varied the advice and perspectives can be. I appreciate what Davis had to say, for if I read my own writing without being in the situation, I would see myself as being incredibly weak. However, being in the actual situation, my position was certainly not one of weakness in the eyes of my wife or myself. She was the weak one, unable to take a firm stance and decide what she wanted for her own future. I was strong by being committed, understanding and solid in the face of so much hurt and betrayal. I know that she was impressed and amazed, especially by the emotional intelligence (something women don't necessarily expect from a man).
The stance I was taking was almost exactly that advocated by Sinjin. I was about to set up another room in the house as my own, and go on a vacation and learn to scuba dive. However, I am already very active and our two lives are not so intertwined that I don't have my own life. So, it was not necessary to get too carried away.
So, there I was ready to go alone and just be roommates, giving her the utmost distance to decide what she wanted and allowing her to see me at my best. However, she came back from her short vacation with a girlfriend and we had some more great discussions. She said she was ready to commit to this marriage and realized that it would not be possible to see or communicate with this other man. Her plan to vacation with him was abandoned, and she realized that, at best, he could only ever be a friend. She said she would email him only once a month, and I said she could see him one more time... in public with our good friend as chaperone.
So, we are both feeling great right now. However, I also know that she has already emailed him twice today! I know that it is going to be incredibly hard for her to break this pattern of behaviour. I know that she is not lying to me, but that she is finding it impossible to keep her word.
My plan is simply to be the most amazing husband that I can possibly be. For I know that he is leaving the country in five months, and that if we can get through these next five months without a major breakdown on her part (physical encounter with him) then we can get through this and the thought of him should quickly fade.
As far as the syping goes, I will continue to monitor the email messages they are sending one another, but will not allow myself to be tortured by what they say to one another because I know my wife's heart and intentions are good, and that she may milk this relationship for all the drama she can, but I don't believe she will act on it. If we are able to get through this entire ordeal in only 6 months, then it will be a miracle.
Does anyone have any thoughts that may be useful at this time? Any personal experiences or suggestions that may prove appropriate to this scenario?
