I'm sure you're right; my wife is not stupid, and I am sure that she's noticed. I guess it would be more accurate to say that she hasn't done anything ABOUT it, either in terms of confronting me on what's bothering me, why I've shut it off completely, or -- God forbid -- show some more affection of her own.
To clarify, I have not only stopped initiating sex, but I have stopped with ALL affection that is beyond what she gives me. This, like others' stories on the board, consist of a goodbye peck on the lips or cheek. We don't even kiss each other goodnight anymore.
Simply put, I got tired of being the ONLY one in our marriage who would show any affection at all, despite my having had MANY conversations with her over the years about how important it was to me. She gives our kids backscratches, but not me, altho she knows I LOVE it. Now even if her SEX drive isn't what mine is, how in the world would that "hurt" anything to throw me that one bone? So no hand-holding, no affectionate kisses, and I've even stopped with the endless compliments that I used to give her about how gorgeous she looks (she still does).
As to how I remain kind, I do. I help with the dishes, help with the kids, encourage her in her pursuit of a college degree, I tell her what a great mother she is (and she is). We are simply best friends now, and it doesn't seem to bother her.
Have I given up? I guess so, but I gotta be honest with you all, the ENDLESS BATTLES, CONVERSATIONS, NEGOTIATIONS, ad nauseum, that many of your LDs are having to have with your ND/LD spouses wears me out JUST READING IT. I cannot even IMAGINE going thru that, and STILL not getting much in the way of meaningful results. So I have chosen to just live in a sexless marriage, at least for now, while my kids are still at home and while so many other areas of my life are going well.
I'm not saying it's a SOLUTION, but it does help my day-to-say sanity.
