Leap of Faith

[psluke]

Hi totite,

Here is the update.

Of course I'm sure everyone that follows my sitch knows that last week was down and PMS time. Wasn't the best time to try to finish up the house deal.

When I walked around with the home inspector last Saturday morning, that back yard had lots of water standing around in it, so it apparently doesn't drain too well. The inspector also found where water runs in around the back door to the garage, as the floor is stained and a bit of the drywall. Probably not a major problem but since I have been through the water deal with this house I do not want to deal with it ever again if possible. Plus I didn't like the idea of the back yard wet for the kids.

It was really noisy around there on Saturday morning and I didn't care for that a whole lot but since I spend a lot of time indoors now that probably wouldn't matter a great deal. Just for some reason I no longer had a good feeling about the house. So when they didn't want to take care of the things the inspector found, Friday the realtor and I went through two more houses and I decided to pass on the one on Sunshine lane. Now I am still LOOKING for a house. Plus I think I have a realtor that is tired of me, she says average person goes through 6 or less homes, we have been through 28 I think.

I spoke with David on Wednesday as he wanted to know where the car insurance cards were at. He needed to get his license plate renewal and was thinking of leaving work early Wednesday as he was feeling pretty nauseous and had a headache. I happened to have the cards with me and let him know he could stop by the office and grab them if he wanted, but if he didn't feel like it I was planning to try to get the renewal for my car that evening and would see if I could get his without the registration or renewal slip. Turns out the darn machine for some reason didn't like the way I entered the number from the emissions test for my car and I needed the current license plate number and didn't know David's. So I didn't get either of us a plate renewal.

Friday was his off day and I let him know on Thursday I had no luck. So he said he might get it on Friday.

He came while I was out looking at houses on Friday but was back at the house when I got home. He had got my plate renewal as well.

I told him had got out of my house deal and was looking at more houses, discussed that this house really is a nice house. He had been going to clean the gutters but had to be at work by 4:15 because of problems so decided he didn't have time. We chatted and I think it was a nice visit, wasn't long as he had to go but he did stay and talk for a bit.

I sent him my version of an LRT e-mail on Thursday, which neither of us brought up on Friday. He let me know he had received it and read it, that there was a lot there and he may comment on it more as he digests it more. But he mostly said he can't see many changes to him it is mostly, (not all), more of the same. I feel like I have changed sooo much, I hate that it doesn't show.

I let him know I didn't think I could go the friend route. (Seeing him and talking with him just reminds me I still love him and especially if he marries J I just couldn't handle that I don't think.) That part I didn't share with him, was just part of my thought process to reach the decision.

I asked if he would consider doing some reading and thinking before we wind everything up but if he tells me he is sure what he wants I will walk out of his life and not interfere again.

He said he has been reading the bb more the past couple of weeks, at least Sage's thread.

He may take some time off from work, not sure. I hope he does and goes away to read or think or just get in a different plane to look at things from.

So for now I am focusing on the kids and I and continuing to make plans for finding us a new home. I wish I could figure out exactly what I want, that sure would make it easier on the realtor and I both!!

I almost forgot, I don't expect him, but I did invite David over to watch the race Sunday, said I would order pizza. He did discuss the start time with me, so maybe he at least thought about it.