Hi Sage - You have just validated much of my own thinking, thanks! I feel more confident about the course I'm on.
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obviously anything that keeps him being open and honest is GOOD IMHO

This to me has been an absolute priority. Deceit is so hard to deal with. So yes, my reactions have been to keep him comfortable in honesty. As painful as it can be at that time In terms of the content of these communications, to be honest, it is still unclear to me. And I'm not sure how to get a better handle on what is exactly being communicated.
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I guess what I'm wondering is what is he saying about what he's getting from these continued exchange -- how is he getting benefit from them? particularly since he doesn't seem to be suggesting that he's "on the fence".

This is what confounds me too Why put himself through a protracted recovery phase?
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it was hard as hell to quit smoking...but it didn't actually mean that I should/could have a cigarette during the quitting process.

I must find a way of getting him to be more honest with himself, this is such a useful analogy.
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As for the finances, are you feeling financially vulnerable right now? I understand the desire to protect yourself and all but I fear that any sudden moves in that direction could convey fear or a lack of trust to h.

I guess yes, I am feeling vulnerable. It is all wrapped up in the issue of how sincere is NG, and just how much control does he have over his feelings? It seems to me that I cannot rely on past agreements or understandings about how we manage our assets, and perhaps before it is just too late, I need to be careful. If I was starting a brand new relationship with someone, it is absolutely what we would do. I guess I just feel that if some of the 21 year understanding is being thrown out of the window, than perhaps the others should be looked at very closely too.

More to think about. Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time