Then came the conversation with NG, he tells me he has been having several conversations with OW, and that he is still having problems letting go. He loves me very much, I should not feel insecure or frightened, but for the time being, the phone calls and emails will continue.
slowly...does he share with you the content of these communications? how does he articulate the fact that "hard to let go" must somehow equal "continued conversation". IOW (and I'm terribly sorry if this comes off as glib) -- it was hard as hell to quit smoking...but it didn't actually mean that I should/could have a cigarette during the quitting process.
I guess what I'm wondering is what is he saying about what he's getting from these continued exchange -- how is he getting benefit from them? particularly since he doesn't seem to be suggesting that he's "on the fence".
Quote: To be honest, I'm not sure how to react. Sure it hurts. But I'm thinking I also need to start figuring out what I need to do if independent lives are on the cards. Our finances are so intertwined, it is going to take quite a lot to unravel.
Thoughts, anyone?
well..frankly, it seems as though you are doing remarkably well. obviously anything that keeps him being open and honest is GOOD IMHO -- your reactions to him are clearly NOT encouraging him to go underground so kudos for that.
As for the finances, are you feeling financially vulnerable right now? I understand the desire to protect yourself and all but I fear that any sudden moves in that direction could convey fear or a lack of trust to h.
OTOH, if you're at all concerned that he could blow the 401K on a boat or something...that's a different story....
(duh -- sage is not much help here!)
How can we "DB" h's continued contact with ow? Need to start with a beginner's mind, keep doing what works, think about 180s, etc...what would you say that means right now?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
