Hi Betsey - As always, your perspective is fresh, and most welcome
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Reassuring you that there is no reason for you to feel this way is all well and good, but sort of invalidating--at least I feel that way.

This used to frustrate me too, until I learned to decode his particular Martian dialect. At the peak of the affair, he used to constantly refer to 'getting back to my life' as a focus, and I used to wonder where I would fit into this. Finally when I asked, his response - well YOU are my life I still cannot explain this reasoning, other than as far as he is concerned, there was never a question that we will not be together long into the future, unless I decided to leave him. And once I told him that my intention was to stay, I saw the palpable lifting of his spirits, and new energy into getting over the affair.
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And ARE you feeling insecure? About what? What are you doing to help yourself bridge this?

My current insecurities are centered around two issues, confidence in my judgement when figuring out what NG is saying or doing, and what his feelings are likely to evolve into, for me and OW. The former is classic LBS problem, from what I have read. Here is someone I believed totally, how dumb was I not to see what was going on, yada yada yada. I just have to process this and move on.

The concerns about his feelings - well, I know these too will change, and that how I behave will influence the direction and depth, but not necessarily the speed. It is just that every now and then, doubt creeps in - what if he can never get over OW? He caught me weeping in the guest room one evening last week, which is what I think what triggered the exchange this morning.

I believe in the process, Betsey Getting out of my funk, Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time